Heath Ledger, a 28-year-old, talented and promising young actor, died this week. Although they aren’t sure what killed him, it appears prescription drugs are most likely the cause. We lost Brad Renfro, another young actor, last week.

This makes me fear for Jensen and Jared. They’re in the same age group and at the same risk as the rest of us. Hell, with all the crap I’m taking, including the newly-added Lyrica, I could go to sleep, as Heath apparently did, and not awaken. But I’m 54, and Jensen and Jared are still puppies in their 20’s. I fear for them because the acting profession sometimes seems to be an unlucky place for some people—like Heath, Brad, John Candy, John Belushi, River Phoenix and others who had too much money and lived lives of excess that killed them.

Perhaps filming in Vancouver will save Jensen and Jared? I pray so. I worry about my son, too. He was talking about spending $30 on one glass of booze the other day, just to see if it tasted as good as it costs. Because he can now; he’s bringing in a lot of money and he feels he can afford it.

Why does that bother me so much?

I showed Tracey a different side of me this week. I took off two days of annual leave, one on Friday, at the beginning of the weekend, the other on Tuesday, after the Monday Martin Luther King holiday. So I had five day weekend! When I saw her, I was fresh off five days away from work and in a very good, spunky mood. She saw the non-working Robin, and I think I surprised her with my light and frothy side.

I hung up my posters of Jensen and Jared in the upstairs hallway. They look nice. I was having trouble keeping the blasted frame in place on Jensen’s poster; one side kept falling off. I finally used bits of gum pulled from the wad in my mouth to secure the frame. It held nicely. Problem solved!

I didn’t do very much, really. I took naps most days, went to the gym three days of five. Friday, I was heading out to the gym, but when I realized it was a warm, beautiful day, I drove instead to Brady Park and walked twice around the lake, more than 30 minutes of trees, fresh air and nature. It was warm, the sky was a stunning blue, ducks, Canadian geese and startling white swans glided over the lake and I thanked God for giving me such a gorgeous day.

I guess the weekend was the usual, going to the gym (Dan is feeling much better, physically, now that he’s working in Customer Service), running necessary errands. I took a couple of naps, too, as I recall. I do so love it when Bugsy and Snaps cuddle up to me and we sleep together! But I hate to waste 2-3 hours sleeping, even though my body apparently needs it. I think the Lyrica is making me even more tired than usual, too.

Monday, I went to the gym, then stopped off to pick up my renewed Lyrica prescription from Wal-Mart. I raced home to meet Brad, who was taking me out for lunch. He drove, very fast, to a BBQ place we’d gone to and enjoyed a few months ago, but they were closed. So we went across the street to a diner PACKED with people who were also off for Martin Luther King Day. We had to wait for a table!

I cannot describe how wonderful it was to sit and talk with Brad as equals, two adults discussing his relationship with his girlfriend, his work, my work, Dan’s situation at his job—damn, everything! Brad wished he could talk to his father the same way, and not have them trade barbs and jokes all the time instead of seriously speaking to each other. He also said he felt kind of bad that all he ever does is insult his dad, and I told him if he wants to talk seriously to his father, all he has to do is tell him.

Why is it that the things that should be easy are so hard for us sometimes?

We both ordered chicken Caesar wraps with fries (he ordered home friends instead). Lunch came with soup, coffee and dessert for $10. I think that’s a bit pricey for lunch, but he was good with it, and he was happy to take me out. I listen to him talk about his work and think what an intelligent, passionate young man he is (even if he’s still up in the air about his love life). I don’t think he even minds paying us $400 per month. He knows we need it, and that’s good enough for him. *I* still mind, though.

Coming back to work has been weird, because Gary is speaking to me again. We’d stopped even acknowledging each other’s presence before I went on my mini vacation, but now he’s speaking to me, and as long as he says “Good morning” first, I respond in kind. Perhaps Mike is right—keep your friends close, your enemies closer. I hung up the letter from the Manager, BSN Operations for all to see, so at least everyone knows there IS a manager who appreciates me, even if it isn’t my own. As for the tickets, two went to Dan and Mike, two went to Sharon and I, who saw 27 DRESSES last Friday and had dinner at a nice little Mexican restaurant. We really had a great time together, but when don’t we? I adore that woman, and the feeling is mutual.

All my plans are made for attending EYECON in Orlando, FL. So far, Jared Padalecki and several other co-stars from the show are appearing, but not Jensen, at least not so far. I’m still hoping! I have my roomie, Amy, from one of the lists, and lots of other fans from the dean_sam Flist are going, so I’ll be meeting some new friends, hopefully! It’s going to be wild, that much I’m sure of, and probably all days with little sleep!

Love, Robin