Dan, Brad and I went out to Giovanni's for dinner Sunday, the day after I returned from Vancouver. Brad said there was no one he would go the lengths I'd gone to see Jensen and Jared, no one he felt that kind of adoration for. And I said, "I feel sorry for you, Brad." And I do!

I think my passionate feelings for SUPERNATURAL and the actors who portray Sam and Dean unnerve, anger and/or upset my son. I told him that he's Sidney's grandson, unable to let go, and it's a shame he doesn't understand the devotion I feel. It makes me sad to think that he doesn't love even Ali with a GRAND PASSION> Perhaps Brad is angry or jealous that I don't put this same devotion into cleaning our house or doing something to make HIS life easier? I don't know. I guess I feel that, at 24, he should no longer need his mother the same way, and it's time for the little bird to leave the nest and start one of his own.

I felt the same way about DARK SHADOWS many years ago. It was so GOOD to watch SUPERNATURAL episodes with like-minded fans, to search for places where the show had been filmed, to steal dirt from the hole where Dean himself had made the deal with the demon.

SUPERNATURAL got barely a mention in today's Newsday, the bastards, on its premiere night. I understand iTunes allowed you to download it free last night, and many folks have already watched the episode! I had to avoid spoilers all over the place this morning in my e-mail! I want to watch it on the big screen tonight, HDTV, damn it, not on my computer screen! It feels as if I've been waiting a year to see the show. I'm very nervous about the ratings, given that it's up against OFFICE, GREY'S and CSI. I hope it at least holds its own and keeps most of the audience from SMALLVILLE.

Speaking of THE OFFICE, Brad will be out tonight and asked me to tape it for him. He actually asked me to DVR it, but that's impossible since I'll be DVRing GREY's and SUPERNATURAL for future viewings. We got into a pissing match over it, and I told him I'd tape it on one of the VCR's in the basement instead. I just know SUPERNATURAL is going to get trounced tonight, and his OFFICE is one of the reasons why!

Anyway, happy premiere night, SUPERNATURAL! I'm wearing my WATCH SUPERNATURAL t-shirt today, for good luck. I hope my pessimism proves groundless and the ratings show a decent audience for our show, if nothing earth-shattering. They had a HUGE display in Manhattan for SUPERNATURAL, in neon, up for the entire world to see. Now New York knows how to do it up right!

Love, Robin

This past Friday night, I was in downtown Vancouver with some very close friends watching SUPERNATURAL episode 3.7 being filmed. We watched for about 5 hours in the chilly night, which was capped by meeting Jensen and Jared--in the flesh! Yeeeeeee hawwwwww!

While our view started out in the street and we could barely see anything, we eventually moved to a parking garage and could see everything happening in the alley down below, where we had a GREAT view! Problem was, they told us we couldn't use flash on our photos, and my camera took terrible pix without flash. So I have nothing to show, but there were explosions, stunts, and it was sure fun watching Jensen and Jared running around down there! In one instance, they tossed what was supposed to be shards of glass over them (I assume it was plastic pieces), and it showered over them like rice in the first take, so everyone started humming the wedding march, including Jared. HILARIOUS!

Jared finished first, so we high-tailed it downstairs from the garage to meet up with him, take pictures and talk to him. I handed him my gift basket and told him there was something in there for Sandy and his dogs, too. He said one of his dogs tangled up with a raccoon and a skunk, and had to be taken to the vet and treated. He was SO friendly and talkative, posed with the five of us waiting, didn't mind when we asked for second photos. I put my arm around him (well-muscled waist), but the first photo turned out too bright because of a streetlight shining right on us. He urged me to move to a different spot, and I wrapped BOTH arms around him and kind of danced to that position! Hey, I'm no fool! Jared is kind and easygoing, and we sensed he wouldn't have minded hanging out with us longer, but we were sure he had things he'd rather be doing, so we said our goodbyes.

We went back upstairs to the parking garage to watch Jensen do a stunt that involved jumping over a car, then down on top of a Dumpster. When he finished up with that, he was done for the night, so we again raced downstairs to waylay him before he could leave.

While more reserved than Jared, Jensen was also VERY accommodating. He said exactly what Jared did when we gave him our presents--"It's not my birthday!" He handed the gifts over to his bodyguard so we could take pictures with him, and accepted all our praise of both SUPERNATURAL and A FEW GOOD MEN with aplomb and sincere gratitude. Jensen told us that he'd gotten injured from one of the little explosions they'd done earlier. I immediately stepped forward and offered my services as a First Responder (I have been trained, this was no joke). He raised his eyebrow and said, "Oh, really?" Looking at that GORGEOUS face, my brain scrambled temporarily, because my job as a First Responder would be to cut off his pants to examine his wound. And oh, how I wanted to! But I stepped next to him for my photo and put my arm around his slim, also-well-muscled waist.

Jensen took photos with all of us. Afterwards, I snapped a photo of him alone that is absolutely amazing. The man is truly one of God's greatest creations. I will be posting that, along with some others, as soon as I get some photos I'm waiting for that are better than the ones taken with my camera.

Meeting Jensen and Jared was everything I'd hoped for. I didn't get my "Winchester sandwich" picture, because the boys finished shooting at different times, but I did visit the REAL crossroads and took some stones out of the very hole where Dean made his deal with the red-eyed demon! My friends and I went to MANY of the sites where SUPERNATURAL was filmed, including where the Impala was struck by the semi!

It was an utterly phenomenal trip, and I wish every single SUPERNATURAL fan could have taken it with me!

Love, Robin

Given that I'll be leaving for Vancouver tomorrow night (11 PM flight), I have no idea when I'll be posting another entry here. I'll be gone from Saturday to Saturday. Brad and Dan are both supposed to be taking me to the airport to see me off. I prefer my son driving, only because he'll be lots calmer in the craziness of Kennedy Airport. Dan gets too nervous, the way I do. Perhaps that's why I get so angry at him; he embodies all the same weaknesses that I do? I need someone who is stronger than I am, not equally weak!

Anyway, I have lists all over the place of things I need to do, to pack. I haven't packed a thing! I'm still short a few items in my Jensen/Jared baskets, which I'll most likely have to assemble when I arrive in Canada. I just hope I remember to bring everything! My suitcase is going to be filled to bulging!

I went to get my Canadian money last night at Citibank. When they asked for me ID, I searched my pocketed and couldn't find my license! I was really flustered, and sweating, thanks to my stinking menopause, but it wasn't there. The gal finally accepted my credit card, which had my ancient photo on it (from when I was 31). I also took a bunch of American cash, too, so I can pay Chris and Mary for the hotel room and car rental.

I'm elated and nervous. I hope I can nap on the plane tomorrow night. It's going to be important, really, or I'm going to be suffering from severe jet lag, worse than usual. After all, when I get to Vancouver, it will be 2 AM their time, but 5 AM to me.

I hope my Canadian contacts come through for us, and we can figure out how to find Jared and Jensen and meet them! Gawd, this is looming before me like a tall, craggy mountain that I MUST climb for the sake of my mental health. I want to look these two young men in the eye, introduce myself, shake their hands, thank them, get their autographs, present my gifts--and more than once, greedy bitch that I am! I NEED this!

Everyone here at work knows why I'm making this journey, and they obviously think I'm nuts. They keep teasing me the way Dan does, that I'm going to be arrested in Canada for stalking these actors, and they fully expect to see me on CNN next week. God forbid! Just because I want to jump their handsome bones--but I will restrain myself. Maybe.

I've been asking God and my parents to smooth the way for this dream to come true for me.

Those of you who read my blog, I hope you'll keep a kindly thought for me, too, even if you do think I'm insane for doing this. For some people, it's running and finishing a marathon. For others, it's creating a beautiful painting. For me, it's crossing 3000 miles to meet the actors of my favorite TV show, SUPERNATURAL. It doesn't seem a lot to ask, and I hope it doesn't prove to be.

Thanks!

Love, Robin

I have a list here on my desk. It says, hair dye, try on sneakers, Canadian money, pack, SPN t-shirts, photos: dogs, me, family, copies TV Guide article, Willie and Robin photo, address labels in books, bowl, peanut butter, bread.

A couple of items are crossed off, but most aren't. That's some of the stuff I have yet to do before going to Vancouver. I've exchanged a bunch of e-mails with Christina, including one today in which I requested the exact name and address of the hotel we're staying in. I understand they're claiming only two of us are staying there, not three, in order to save money. I hope that doesn't backfire on us, but it's going to cost nearly $400 just for two, so I understand their concern. Chris tells me they also go out for a really nice dinner the last night, real fancy. She seems to think I shouldn't bring cereal and eat a hot breakfast, like they're going to do, because the food isn't that expensive. I'm not sure. I was planning on Raisin Bran for breakfast, peanut butter sandwiches and buying dinner every night. This trip is going to be so expensive; I just hope I meet Jensen and Jared! That will make it all worthwhile!

It has gotten cooler here and probably downright COLD in Vancouver, so I'm going to have to pack warmer, bulkier clothes and a COAT, for God's sake! Damn, I wanted to go in July, when it was still summer, and now I'm going in fall, when it's going to be chilly. I understand our best bet for meeting the boys is at a night shoot, so it's going to be cold and taking photos is going to be tough. Sigh, nothing is ever easy, is it?

I went to a dollar store over the weekend and bought a batch of stuff for my Jared/Jensen baskets. I'm hoping if they know I have a gift basket for each of them, they'll be more likely to come over to me and take a picture with me.

I haven't been going to the gym more than once a week since I started collecting photos and reading stories from the SUPERNATURAL Dean_San lj, and I'm SO annoyed with myself! I really COULD take half an hour twice a week to exercise, but I prefer to run home and go back on the computer to catch up on SUPERNATURAL. If I could snag my photos from work, as I was before, it would be great, but now all the pictures have been removed from our computers, so I get blank spaces where the pictures used to be. It sucks, but I guess I understand why they did it. I still take my daily half hour walk, and I am making more of an effort to eat better, but the extra exercise made a big difference, and I wish I could push myself to go the way I used to.

I'm so very immersed in this show! It's DARK SHADOWS all over again. Instead of putting dishes in the dishwasher or doing a load of laundry, I jump on the computer. Season 3 starts on October 4, and I'm already fretting because SUPERNATURAL is up against three of the top 10 shows and I fear it's not going to survive to see a fourth year. I feel scared when I think about that. I would hate to see Jared and Jensen split up, and hope that if, God forbid, SUPERNATURAL is cancelled, Kripke puts together a full-length movie and reunites them. They have a wonderful friendship in real life that translates into something very special on-screen.

I have to go to see Tracey today, and wish I didn't. I'd rather go home and look at SUPERNATURAL stuff on the computer! Look at what I'm doing, all the money I'm spending to go to Vancouver to chase and meet these two young men! It even sounds crazy to ME! Yet I feel compelled to do it.

Over the weekend, Dan had Mike A and Mike S over. He was arranging TV sets, arranging furniture in the asshole way that makes no sense, driving me crazy as usual. It occurred to me that, when I'm with Dan, I'm often very tense, waiting for him to do or say something to piss me off or upset me. Because, inevitably, he does. Like when he and Scott decided to try to haul that huge, overweight TV set upstairs, got it almost to the top, realized they couldn't handle it, and gouged the wall on both sides of the staircase when they got it back down. Now we have a $350 repair/paint job Dan's co-worker, Greg, is doing for us. When Dan does stupid shit like that which costs us money, I get furious!

The two Thomas Kinkade paintings we purchased on the ship are costing us $350 to frame. Jesus, I had no idea they would be that costly, but we're not skimping on the frame, glass or matting, so why wouldn't it be? The paintings are exquisite, how can we possibly skimp on surrounding them with gorgeous framing? We're not. We are spending SO MUCH money lately, I don't even want to check out our bank balance! I would probably have a heart attack!

Once again, I was roped into collecting for the American Diabetes Association! I sent out a batch of begging letters to my neighbors for donations, but I don't expect anything from the cheap bastards. If I get from one or two, I'll be lucky. I didn't bother enclosing my personal "My husband, son and I are all diabetic--please give generously!" note, because I see that does no good. Apparently, they'd just as soon see us dead. Right back atcha, Broadway!

After that vituperative diatribe, I want to do something I read about yesterday in Newsday--a gratitude journal. I am going to list five things I'm grateful for:

1. Dan, my husband, who hasn't killed me yet.
2. Brad, my son, who surely realizes his mother is crazy.
3. My dogs, Bugsy and Snaps, who love me unconditionally. Well, Snaps does, Bugsy maybe. OK, I'm grateful for Snaps!
4. My home. Pigsty though it may be, it's ours and as of 11/1/07, we own it outright!
5. Jensen/Jared. Just looking at those two handsome young faces and perfect bodies makes my lady parts feel really good.

Love, Robin

I can't quite believe that a week from tomorrow I'm going to be boarding a red-eye plane and flying alone to Vancouver, Canada! I can't even remember the last time I flew anywhere by myself, you know? It may even have been while I was single! I remember flying to LA when I was 22, to meet Peggy Keppel, my DARK SHADOWS penpal of many years. That sure was brave, going to meet a friend I'd known only through letters, but we got along so well, I ended up staying longer. I fell for her brother, Richard, and was horny the entire two weeks I spent there. Ah, great times!

Did I mention that I was turned down for WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? I can't recall, but I was. Assholes don't realize was a fine contestant they let get away. Not only am I knowledgeable about television, I would have been so much fun! Their loss, the fools!

Getting back to Vancouver, when I saw Tracey Tuesday, she again wanted to know WHY it's so important for me to meet Jensen and Jared. I told her what great guys they are, kind to fans, good to animals (Jared), and damn it, I just want to meet them because it's a challenge and I want to make it happen for myself! The fact that it's costing a fortune and still might NOT happen, which will probably drive me insane is another matter!

I really have that fear--that I'll go and this WON'T happen. I guess there's a part of me that feels something I want THIS badly just HAS to happen!

I had dinner out with Sharon Tuesday. We discussed all this, and I ended up in tears over dinner at Krisch's when she assured me I was going to have a wonderful time in Vancouver. I know everyone wants to reassure me that my dream will come true, but I keep going back to my belief that I don't deserve anything, and therefore my dream can't possibly come true.

And damn it, I MUST stop thinking about myself that way!

I'm putting together a batch of stuff for Jensen and Jared, including some food items. I asked on the sam_dean lj what I should put into it and got lots of suggestions. Caps, magic markers, playing cards, candy, cookies, treats for Jared's dogs, copies of one of my books, t-shirts, other silly stuff. I just feel I have only one week to get it all together and that's just not enough time. I need to dye my hair, and although I should probably get a haircut, if Marie botches it tomorrow, it's going to look like crap next week, too! Often, it takes a few weeks before my hair looks decent after one of Marie's haircuts.

I am looking forward to hanging out with Chris and Mary. That part of this excursion should be terrific. And it will be even better if we all get to squee together over Jensen and Jared!

Love, Robin