I didn't see my shrink this week because she had a convention to attend. Nuts 'n' sluts? I hope she had a good time.

Connie's out to lunch. I don't want to work on my blog when she's here. If she sees me typing FAST, she might report me to Gary. The snitch bitch!

SUPERNATURAL was so thought-provoking and good last night. It had its comic moments, but really gave viewers something to chew on, too. I am growing more impressed each week, and can't wait to see the episode I watched being filmed the week I was in Vancouver with Mary and Christina!

I had my talk with Gaby, my Plant Manager, this week. She came to fetch me on Wednesday. I only chatted with her about 20 minutes, but it was enough time to describe what Gary had done (discriminated against me with the movie tickets), show her the e-mails we exchanged (and how he lied to me), and tell her of other incidents where he had been unfair. I think she understands where I'm coming from, but she did say those tickets were to be given for "extra" work. I pointed out that I filled in for John on many occasions, plus Gary has no idea what I do in here, and his lack of kindness to me is personal and based on our previous problems. I did tell her the basis of my Redress complaint against him, gave a few details of my stint at the VMF and how I ended up there, and how Tom Rosati insisted I be brought back. She already seemed to know some of this.

Did it make a difference? I don't know. Gaby offered to talk to Gary, but as one of my co-workers pointed out, it would be like talking to an empty jacket with no person inside it--and just as effective. Gary dislikes me. As he told Betty, it's his right to give movie tickets and Special Achievement Awards to whomever he wishes. He hates me for what has taken place between us in the past and knows how much I despise him, and even though he's a department manager and really should put aside such trivia, he's a human being and can't help returning that hatred in the form of discriminating against me--for the remainder of my postal career!

Gaby offered to give me movie tickets, but that is SO beyond the point! I want him fired! I want him DEAD! I know, that's terrible, but I don't believe in halfway measures when I hate a person; I want them gone, permanently and immediately. I guess it's a good thing I don't have demonic power, huh?

So we had a bad leak in the house this week and I asked Sharon for a recommendation. Her plumber came to my house and charged us $800 to fix what was wrong. I feel we were ripped off very, very badly, but what could we do? I felt like we were more in the presence of a used car salesman than a plumber, and took an almost instant dislike to him. The problem appears to be fixed, but Mike, the plumber, says we still have lots of gunk in the pipe that needs to be taken care of, either with a chemical or Roto Rooter. Wouldn't you think, for $800, he could have thrown that in? Frankly, I was horrified at the excessive cost of the repair--and in an hour and a half! Shit!

Thank God, my in-laws are OK in the burnt-out wilds of San Diego. They weren't forced to leave their home in Santee, but it was very close. Sid insisted he wouldn't have left, anyway, no matter what. So he would have burned up with his house? That's just wonderful, isn't it? Damn! This week, between the plumbing and worry over his parents and worry over work turned poor Dan into a basket case! He's doing part 2 of his sleep study tomorrow night. He definitely has sleep apnea and now they have to figure out what kind of mask he needs to deal with his snoring and give him a decent night's sleep--for the first time in many years, I suspect (and without the snoring, me, too)!

Love, Robin

Wildfires are blazing out of control down in San Diego, not far from where my in-laws live. Santee, their town, is OK for now, but the way the Santa Ana winds are blowing and the fact that everything is so dry, it's not going to remain that way. And Sidney, my crazy father in law, insists he's not leaving his home no matter what. Doris, my mother in law, has asthma, so if cinders and ash are flying around, she won't be able to breathe. Oh, well!

So I'm worrying about them, and Dan is beside himself, too, because he's had his parents for 55 years and can't imagine NOT having them.

In the meantime, I'm waiting for an audience with Gaby, my Plant Manager, to discuss Gary and my problems with his discrimination against me. After talking to Betty Friday (who had a loud talk with Gary about me behind closed doors; I overheard a bit of it from out in the hall), I believe that Connie is spying on me for my Manager, reporting back to him about what I do on my computer. The fact that I keep her going to lunch ON company time a secret while she apparently blabs about me hurts and angers me terribly, but I should know by now that no one is to be trusted and everyone acts only in his or her own best interests.

I told Dan and Brad about Connie's suspected treachery over the weekend when the three of us went to Boston Market for dinner together. I drove us there (and drove all four of us, including Mike, to Corner Galley for Sunday dinner). I guess now that I have a clean car, I will be chauffeuring the family around more now. I don't think I'm pleased about that. I fueled up yesterday, first time, at BJ's.

Anyway, I can't decide if I should tell Connie my suspicions about her tattling and threaten to expose what SHE is doing or not. We have a decent working relationship now, so I'm reluctant to fuck that up. We STILL have to work together every day. So I'm trying to keep what I'm doing under wraps from her. Right now, she's gone to lunch, so that's why I'm working on my blog (Betty made mention of Gary's mentioning of my typing very fast on something; what else would it be if not my blog)?

Gaby was supposed to speak to me about this yesterday, but that didn't happen, and apparently isn't going to today, either. I really want her to know the shit Gary is putting me through. I'm sure she knows by now what a total dick he is, but I want her to know that he discriminated against me, lied about it, and now demanded that I "go through Betty" for anything, rather than him. He's such a pussy, too, I have no respect for him!

I have so little to do. Gary knows it, but he insists he gave extras to Connie, Charlie and Mike because they DO extras. What about my covering for John? That doesn't count as extra? Even Betty knows it's personal on Gary's side, that he's angry about my bringing him up on Redress charges years ago and this all stems from that. Gary is searching for other work I can do in the building, but that means crossing crafts and getting into union trouble. I can't help it if much of my job dissolved into nothing, can I? Even Connie spends most of her time reading a book, but she tattles on me for surfing the net! She's allowed to do whatever she wants, but that doesn't extend to me! I could get her into SO much trouble if I wanted to be as bitchy as she is, but so far, I haven't done so.

Sometimes, I think about all this and fear my head is just going to explode!

Why do I have to be so nice? Why can't I just be as big a bitch as Connie is?

Love, Robin

Last night's episode of SUPERNATURAL was super-wonderful! They introduced the second female character, a mercenary intent on stealing artifacts that Dean and Sam will need in their work. She's hot, British and I can see her and Dean having some steamy hate-sex one of these days--but not for a very long time. After all, she deliberately, coldly shot Sam in the shoulder last night, and first he has to get his revenge on her for that!

Gary and my boss, Betty, had an argument about me yesterday. He doesn't feel I've done enough EXTRA work in here to earn movie tickets or any other rewards. I guess filling in for John (as I'm doing today, on overtime) isn't enough? FUCK HIM! I can't believe the balls on my manager, I really can't. At least he admitted giving movie tickets to the other three in the office, and not to me. Although Betty brought up our history, he denied that (still lying) he said he has the right to give out tickets to anyone he wants (and doesn't want to give any to me, obviously). The fact that I faced him across a REDRESS table apparently has no bearing on this (bullshit)! I hate him more for lying than not giving me tickets, I swear. Anyway, he tells Betty SHE is my supervisor and he wants her dealing with me. That includes finding more work for me to do. I guess Connie must be telling him I don't have enough to do, and spend all my time on web sites that have nothing to do with work. Of course, she reads on postal time, and takes lunch on postal time, but does Gary know about that? Shall I tell him?

Bitch!!

See, I don't want to mess in her shit, I want to be nice, but if she's going to force my hand, I WILL! I will not allow her to get me in trouble while she goes off scot-free and gets movie tickets and Gary's adulation. That isn't fair!

The truth is, since they stopped me from doing the TIMES work, my job has been scaled down to nearly nothing. That isn't my fault. But you can't tell anyone such things, because then they find you boring busywork to do, and I hate that. Giving us the internet at our disposal is like giving us a shiny toy to play with at our desks, but telling us we can't play with it! I have access to the entire world of SUPERNATURAL here, and I want to play! Especially since I really don't have enough postal work to keep me occupied.

Gary and Betty were discussing what I could do to keep me busier--working in the tour office, perhaps? I said I'd enjoy filling in there, but Gary checked into it, and that would be crossing crafts and would result in a union grievance. So would working at a label clerk, which Gary suggested. So, there's really nothing else for me to do, at least outside of the Motor Vehicle Craft.

Connie gets away with everything, but me. . .no! And to make it worse, the bitch spies on me, takes her lunch with Paul on postal time, and that's OK? No, and she's not going to keep getting away with it, I promise!

I really wish I could have my audience with Gaby. I need to get this whole shitty business off my chest!

Here's some good news--we paid off our mortgage. It's official. The bank sent us $4,400, left over from escrow. Dan is all set to spend it, but I reminded him we have to pay our taxes and insurance ourselves now, so he'd better hold off. He's a rip, but he really doesn't think about things too clearly.

That's enough ranting! I'm done!

Love, Robin

I sold my Saturn this weekend. Charlie, my co-worker, came and picked it up early Saturday morning. He gave me 15 110-dollar bills, hooked it up to the back of his truck, and took it away. I felt a pang, of course; I'd had the Saturn for 10 years, but it sure is good to have a brand-new car!

However, I had a pall thrown over the entire weekend by Gary, my manager here in Trans/Net. Why? How?

Thursday, I heard from Mike, the guy who does our morning yard report, that he, Connie and Charlie had all gotten movie tickets given to them by Gary, not when I was on vacation, but when I was here. He simply didn't give me any. And to make it worse, Connie got four while Charlie and Mike got two each. I don't know if Connie knew I'd been deliberately left out of this largesse, but if she did, and didn't offer me two of her tickets, she really is a nasty bitch and I hope what goes around DOES come around. If our situation was reversed, I would have given her two of mine, that's for sure, only to balance out the injustice!

Friday morning, I asked Gary about the incident. He denied it immediately, insisting he knew nothing about it, never had any movie tickets and had never given any out. Unfortunately, even though Charlie was there and informed Gary he HAD given him tickets, he said it in a quiet voice, almost to himself, and Gary hurried out of the office either pretending he didn't hear him or without actually hearing him say it. I was annoyed with Charlie for not sticking up for me with more fervor, or more loudly, but since both Charlie and Mike were given $500 Special Achievement Awards (for God knows what, I don't know; Charlie doesn't have one day of sick leave remaining, and that used to be one of the major criterion for that award), I guess Charlie didn't want to jinx that.

That set me to seething! It's one thing to deny me movie tickets, it's quite another to LIE to me that way! I checked with Betty, who is supposedly my immediately supervisor, but she told me she doesn't want to put me or Connie in for any awards because, since she's still only detailed into the job, she doesn't feel her doing so would carry much weight.

Why is everyone such a PUSSY, anyway? Rather than tell me, "I hate you and didn't want to give you movie tickets," Gary lied to me! Instead of putting me or Connie in for awards or points, Betty pussies out on doing so because she has her own issues with Gary. She also mentioned that Gary has a problem with the time I spend on the internet on "non-postal" things. Yes--and Gary himself writes sermons on postal time! Everyone else here spends as much time on the net as I do, including, I'm sure, Gary himself! Let he or she who is without sin cast the first stone, damn it! The nerve of that lying sack of shit!

I went around telling EVERYONE I encountered what Gary had done to me. I was so keyed up and furious, I wanted to get on the building loudspeaker and announce it to the world! I debated putting in another Redress complaint against Gary, but then decided I would first speak one on one to Gaby, our plant manager, and see if I could resolve this somehow.

Before I left for the day on Friday, I fired off an e-mail to Gary, which said:

Mike and Charlie told me you gave them and Connie movie tickets several weeks ago (and I was in the office that day), which means you lied to me this morning. I haven't decided how I'm going to handle this yet, but I am angry and hurt and cannot just let this go.

To which Gary replied, via Blackberry:

I do not lie and I am not sure what people say to you. However you need to see your immediate supervisor If you think you did something out of your normal workload to deserve it. Before you accuse anyone make sure people aren't setting you up. Have a nice day.

To which I replied:

I'll be setting up an appointment to see Gaby about this. I can't see why Charlie or Mike would lie to me about your giving them movie tickets or why they would "set me up."

GARY would set me up. Mike and Charlie, no!

Gary didn't show up for work today. I hear he's sick. I also hear he's requested a six month leave of absence to go to Africa. I don't know if that's true, but if it is, LMAO if I've actually scared him that much! If ONLY!

How could a manager pull that shit? I mean, he might despise me personally, but does he really think he can get away with a stunt like that? Give tickets to everyone but me and get away with it?

Asshole!

On the worry front, Friday, Brad lost three keys to his classrooms, a very bad move for an untenured teacher. Dan and I went to Grand Avenue school Sunday to scour the parking lot and see if we could find them. Brad went hopefully to his classrooms yesterday, but they didn't turn up. Now he must confess to losing them, to creating a security risk, and he's very upset about it. Did one of the students or teachers steal them to make him look bad? It just seems so odd how they've disappeared the way they have!

I have my visit with Tracey today. I'm looking forward to it!

Love, Robin

It's been 10 years since I've been the proud owner of a new car. Right around this exact time, as a matter of fact, in October, 1997, I got my 1996 Saturn. I became the proud owner of a 2007 Honda Civic last night. Dan and I went to Huntington Honda Sunday, I test drove one of the cars, decided I loved it and made arrangements to purchase the car. Brad dropped me off at Marchon last night, and Dan drove me there to take possession of my car at about 6 PM last night.

I think we're being soundly ripped off; the car is costing $413 per month for 75 months. It's including, for $1800, a 7 year, bumper to bumper extended service contract, plus a Lo-Jack. Hopefully, no one will ever steal my car, but if they do, I will know about it instantly and it will be tracked down and recovered. All I know is, I think the golden car is gorgeous and I'm delighted to have it.

On the other hand, I drove my Saturn for the last time yesterday afternoon, and felt downright traitorous for just giving it up that way. It still drives like a dream, plenty of pep, and I am just so familiar with it, you know? When I was driving home the Civic last night, I was actually crying, not from joy over my new car, but sadness over the car I wasn't going to be driving ever again--my Saturn! Charlie here in my office says he wants it for his son, but his son doesn't really want a four door car. What kid does? They have no idea how much easier it is to have a four door car that a two door; for them, it's all about the looks. Even Brad, who has owned his two door for a while now, agrees that a four door car is a lot more practical.

Speaking of Brad, since he and I were both home for the Columbus Day holiday yesterday, he drove me to Krisch's for lunch. We both had sandwiches and ice cream, talked, and it was so enjoyable.

I went to the barber shop in Levittown yesterday afternoon and had Marie cut my hair. She did a good job, it feels a lot better and lighter, but I was afraid if I let her give me a haircut before I went to Vancouver, I'd potentially look horrible in my photos with Jensen and Jared (not that my hair looked that great, mind you, but at least it wasn't all chopped off).

I'm seeing Tracey today. It's been a while; we missed an appointment while I was in Canada, and missed one last week because her office was being carpeted. I'm bringing my photos to show her so she can see I was successful in my quest. I have my photos with me and the J's hanging right where I can see them in my cubicle. I just wish my nose wasn't so red in these pictures, but that's not my fault--my face was cold, and when that happens, my nose turns red!

Dan and I did Old Country Buffet and the gym Saturday. I spent much of the weekend cleaning out the Saturn; what a chore! I had SO MUCH trash in that car, and some good stuff, too! Books, papers, porn, radios--you name it, it was in there! What a pigsty!

We had unseasonably warm weather this past weekend, in the 80's! Dan and I went to a Fall Harvest fair that wasn't very fall-y with the blasting heat, and to the Farmingdale street fair, ditto, but had fun at both.

Oh, and in the Robin-is-a-terrible-friend department, it occurred to me this weekend that in the excitement of going away to Vancouver, I totally forgot Sharon's September 17th birthday! So I called her and asked if I could take her out for dinner this Friday to make it up to her. But that won't really make up for anything, will it?--certainly not for the fact that I was so wrapped up in my own selfish shit, I didn't call her to wish her a happy birthday that day! So I suck, big time, and Sharon has every right to hate me and not forgive me for this. But she will, I know that. However, there will be a little tiny piece of her that WON'T forgive me, that will remain hurt at my disloyalty, disappointed over my forgetfulness, I'm equally sure of that. Because best friends don't DO this.

So I guess this means I don't deserve a best friend, or even A friend. I deserve to be alone, lonely, shunned, never a bridesmaid.

I know, I'm being hard on myself. I forgot a birthday, and given how terrible my memory is these days, I should forgive myself such a transgression. But I have to wonder, would I have forgotten had I not been immersed in the Vancouver trip, my own selfish plans? I doubt it.

I'm going to go stand in the corner and think about what I did--or in this case, what I failed to do!

Love (but for all of you, not me),
Robin