We're heading out to San Diego Wednesday, which means we're busy packing, making sure Brad has what he needs in the house, going generally nuts. And since this is me, worrying. I have to get my boobs mammoed tomorrow. Since mine are truly gigantic, I get the BIG glass plates, but not too much pain. As always, I hope they don't find any mysterious shadows. Since my aunt had breast cancer, I'm always fearful they'll tell me they've found something bad on my mammo, but thus far, I get a postcard saying it looks OK. I hope for the same postcard this time around.

Saturday, we got lost both coming and going when we visited New Jersey cousins who adopted Kay, an adorable little Puerto Rican girl. They also have a PR foster daughter, Naomi. Jay and Wendy are in their early 50's and late 40's, respectively, both work full time, and are finding the task of parenting mind-boggling and exhausting. Jay really didn't want to be a father and by the time he agreed to try, their two attempts at in vitro failed, they went through a heart-breaking attempt at adoption that fell through, and they finally succeeded in adopting Kay, who recently turned two. Dan and I enjoyed playing with the kids, whose favorite word seemed to be NO!, but were glad that phase of life is already behind us. We're about the same age as Jay and Wendy, and frankly, I couldn't chase after kids, placate them with lollipops, and deal with drama queens, even if they are absolutely adorable.

Anyway, Dan's Toyota Corolla lease is up in January 2007, so we stopped at Honda in Levittown to pick up a couple of brochures about the Civic and Accord, just to get some ideas. Naturally, a salesman got his hooks into us and started making promises about paying off the Toyota, giving us an equally great deal, letting Dan drive a gorgeous 2006 Civic, then letting us down when he presented us with actual figures. We're paying only $287 per month right now, he's talking $349, which is way above our means. He was also trying to talk us into $360 per month for 7 months--to purchase a car! We made it clear Dan is a lease-a-car guy, so I don't get these fools! Anyway, we checked to see exactly how much we owe on the car, and it's nearly three grand, given there's still 10 months left on the lease. Right now, they're still hoping to sell us a car, and are supposed to get back to us with a counter offer. I'm dying to see what they're going to come up with!

You know me, Miss Worry Wart. I hope Brad can get through the week without Bugsy biting anyone who will sue us, or without hurting Brad himself. I hope neither dog runs away. I hope the house doesn't explode. I hope no terrorists board our plane. I hope we don't forget anything we really need. I hope it doesn't snow here while we're gone and mess up Brad's plans. I PRAY PRAY PRAY he's offered a job with Bellmore-Merrick this week!!!

I hope everything you all out there wish, hope and pray comes true, too!

Love, Robin

My bathroom time on workdays is 6:25. Hubby Dan KNOWS this. So when I turned off the DVR of FREDDIE I was watching and realized that, not only was he in the bathroom during MY time, he was taking a dump, I freaked out, absolutely infuriated. "Why didn't you crap upstairs?" I demanded. He mumbled, "I'll finish quick." HA! His poops don't ever finish fast; they are immense, lengthy, stinky and terrible. I waited a few moments, listening to him flushing and re-flushing the toilet to ensure it would all go down and not be regurgitated by the disgusted septic system.

I decided to walk the dogs. During the walk, I let my anger simmer like stew, hot, bubbling, delicious. I thought if all the things Dan did to piss me off, this just being the latest of the lot. I wondered if I should cut him loose. I thought of how much fun he could be. I thought of how many years I had invested in our relationship, and by the time I got home, decided I'd keep him--for now. But as I unhooked Bugsy and Snaps from their leashes, I still felt pissy enough to decide not to talk to him. He was speaking to me, however, and I finally asked, "Why didn't you just take your shit upstairs???" "I couldn't go up there," he said, kind of embarrassed. "That's bullshit," I said, feeling angry again. I gathered up my stuff, wished him a good day, and left for work.

As I drove, I asked myself, "What would you do if anything happened to Dan today? If, God forbid, he died? And you would recall the last word you said to him being BULLSHIT?"

Did I suddenly feel guilty, bad, miserable?

Nah.

I'm really glad we're only a couple of days away from vacation. I need some away time.

Marty, our accountant, came to do our taxes last night. I was really fearful of two things--that Bugsy would bite Marty every time he reached into his briefcase and that we'd owe money to the government. But somehow, he manipulated the figures so we're getting back $2400 from the Feds! Wowie zowie! That is so great! As for Bugsy and Marty, our odd pooch did bark at him and jump up at him a couple of times, but for the most part, he just laid down and relaxed, mostly, I think, because Marty stayed in his chair and didn't do much of anything the whole time he was over. Bugsy doesn't like when people MOVE. He doesn't trust them. We let the dogs out when Marty was leaving, so there was no Bugsy gnawing on Marty's expensive shoes or trying to bite his ankles to prevent his exit.

I've worked 10 hours on Rudyk's higher level every day this week except yesterday, when I had to go to the dentist. So I only got 8 hours at level 16. I'm not used to a 10 hour day anymore, and I don't like leaving the dogs alone so long, but I do love the extra money!

Hope all is well with all of you!

Love, Robin

Shame on me. Five days without blogging. I'm just a lazy bitch. It snowed again yesterday. Much as I love all animals, that PA rodent who saw his shadow and predicted six more weeks of winter has proven himself right thus far and deserves a slow, torturous death. Just kidding. Maybe.

We started out with a light mixture of rain and snow in the morning which morphed into all snow, rapidly thickened and looked really scary out the windows of Gary's and Nancy's offices, which I, of course, being the anal soul I am, kept checking on constantly. I finally decided to work a straight six hours and leave at 12:30. Connie was going to do the same, but changed her mind when the snow turned to freezing rain, then all rain. Driving home wasn't too bad, but you had to be careful. Having neglected to pick up fruit for the family this week and feeling guilty for same, I made a stop at the Spanish grocery and bought apples, bananas and some veggies. Once home, I ran the dishes and watched some of my videos. I really do love the new addition to our Cablevision collection, the IO taping (sans tape) box. Feeling sleepy, I invited both dogs to a nap upstairs. After exchanging some "my dick is bigger than your dick" snarls and barks over my hip, Bugsy and Snaps finally settled down. We slept for an hour and a half, after which I awakened and made some cornflake-covered chicken.

I still hate snow. The local roads sucked this morning, but I made it in without incident. I'm still so blasted tired. I feel so fat. John Colombo found an article about the latest diabetes drug, Baetta, which is helping diabetics lower their blood sugar AND lose weight. I've GAINED weight since going on insulin. I'm going to ask Dr. Jacob about it when she returns from vacation, but I'm betting HIP won't want to spring for it!

Brad lost one of his regular tutoring accounts, through no fault of his own. The kid is too lazy and unmotivated, and Brad can't teach him to be either. So he lost one of his $60 per hour kids, but he hopes he'll get more jobs to replace that one. I hope he does. He is working so hard, he deserves the best of everything as far as I'm concerned. The kid's mother was apologetic, but her son's grades weren't improving, so who can blame her?

Dan was turned down for a raise at work--for the fifth year in a row. I don't want to discuss this too much, because it angers me to the point that I fear my eyeballs will shoot out and explode in two blood masses against the monitor. How can a man who works so hard for a company be treated so shabbily? He's tried to find other jobs, but no one has offered him anything else. He's 54, I guess that's a factor against him. I wish just once in his life, someone had given Dan the big break he deserved.

I'm feeling a lot less depressed than I was before. I finally got my period, after more than two months without. It was a gusher, that's for sure, which might explain my exhaustion and need to constantly nap. I wonder if those iron pills can even help when I'm losing that amount of blood? It was downright scary--and what a mess! I know why only women go through menopause--because men would never put up with it!

Nancy, my new friend from Buffalo, is rapidly becoming like a sister to me. As we watched the snow fall and she saw the nervousness on my face, she told me that, since she lives only four miles from the PO, I'm always welcome to come home with her and bunk down at her house if we ever have a really bad snowstorm, if I want. That really touched me. So few people really put themselves out for me, make kind offers like that.

That's it for now. More later, maybe!

Love, Robin

What a weird day. I was so out of it today, I really felt as if I were dreaming I was awake! Maybe it's the Topamax. I wonder what would happen if I just stopped taking everything cold turkey. Instant death? Insurmountable pain and depression? Blood sugar so high, my blood vessels would burst? I guess I'd better not try it. But wow, it sounds like a whole lot of interesting stuff might happen all at once, doesn't it? Too bad I don't dare give it a shot.

Connie, my co-worker at the PO, took off today. She's already back from her cruise, but got back so late last night, or even early this morning, she didn't want to come to work today. I don't blame her. She's probably exhausted from all that warm weather and all those king-sized pina coladas. I wonder if she gained back the 10 pounds she allowed herself. She lost over 40 on Weight Watchers. She's done that twice that I know of, but always gained it back. I wonder if this time will be different. For her sake, I hope so. Sharon's on WW, too, and very thrilled with her weight loss thus far. The problem with losing weight is, you have to keep on with it. Once you return to old, bad habits, the weight returns.

I went out yesterday with Jane, Steve's old girlfriend, to see Woody Allen's MATCH POINT. This was far from a comedy, although it did have its funny moments. Most of the cast was British. It was a compelling movie, too, and gave Jane and I plenty to discuss. I really liked it. Plus, it's the kind of movie that lingers with you long after you've seen it. I'm sure I'll be thinking about for quite a while. That's the mark of a good movie.

Dan went to the gym tonight. Brad will be home about 9 PM, I think. He's taking over classes for a teacher who won't be in tomorrow. He seemed eager at the thought. The very concept of student teaching terrified me when it came close to being my turn, as I recall. I was actually relieved when my guidance counselor advised me NOT to get my teaching degree, although in hindsight, I sure wish I had.

I am hoping SO hard that one of Brad's resumes pans out for him, snags him a terrific teaching job. Ideally, I want to see him win a job right where he is, in the Bellmore-Merrick school district. He knows the faculty, the kids, everything there so well already! It would be perfect!

Here's an amusing thought to round out this entry:

I've noticed a lot of people write about sex in their blogs. I could do that, too, very easily. I used to write sexy stories for men's magazines, thousands of them! I hate to disappoint you, but those tantalizing little tales you read in PENTHOUSE, FAMILY AFFAIRS and such aren't real; they're written by writers like me, totally fabricated. Why, you wonder, don't I write about my own sex life? Well, I could, but there isn't much to write about these days, and frankly, after slathering my gigantic, pox-covered butt with lotion to stave off the shingles, I suspect my husband will never again see me as the sexy, sweet young thang he made love to with such fervor when we were newlyweds--nor do I blame him!

So, you will have to look elsewhere for the stories of how he thrust/pushed/pumped his cock/piledriver/tree trunk into my pussy/hole/canal, because frankly, my friends, I'm just burnt out on the whole fucking genre!

Love, Robin

Dentist this morning. Dan went in first, for x-rays and cleaning, while I read trashy magazines like US and PEOPLE (I do love delving into celebrity lives, for some reason) and talked to strangers entering the office. I see Angelina Jolie as a human fly trap. She just gulped Brad Pitt right down into her maw, like she did that Thornton guy, cock first. Pretty Jennifer Aniston didn't stand a chance.

We used to go to this dental place when it was owned by an elderly guy named Dr. Markowitz. He yelled at his employees, conducted fiscal business on the phone, threw instruments across the room, talked more than he worked, and denied doing any of those things. I suspect he was a victim of Alzheimer's, and we were very close to choosing another dentist when he sold his practice to two younger fellows. We were very happy with them, especially when they accepted as full payment our insurance company's offering for a double crown I needed. I had no idea they only did that because we were one of only a few of Dr. Markowitz' patients who stuck with them after he left the practice, and when I needed another crown a few years later, they told me I owed them nearly $500 over the insurance company's payment--after they had done the job. Because they had built up the practice by then, they no longer needed to be so generous to us, and finding this out after the fact infuriated Dan and me so much, we told them we no longer wanted to use their services.

We tried a dentist at the local mall, but all he wanted was to replace our existing silver fillings with ones a color that matched our teeth and were plenty more expensive. He wasn't pleased with the crappy compensation from our insurance company, and we really didn't want to line his pockets with our hard-earned money when we didn't have any real cavities, so we didn't see any dentist for about a year.

We decided to go back to our old dentists today, and were delighted to see they'd entered the 21st century with computerized x-rays. It was so cool to see my teeth, with all my thousand fillings and caps, right there on a computer screen, in all their plaque-covered glory. The dental hygienst, whose name escapes me, calls the spit-sucking device, "Mr. Thirsty", and was so peppy and cheerful, I wanted to choke her. That would be considered assault, so when she sweetly inquired, "How ARE you?!?" in a singsong voice, I replied, "Well, I'm still getting over a bout with shingles--it was real nasty--big pox spread over my left ass cheek!" That sure made the sparkle in her eyes dim somewhat. I know, I'm a total bitch, but who needs that kind of overwhelming cheerfulness when you're sitting in the dentist's chair? I mean, REALLY!!!!

She chattered endlessly while torturing me with her pickax and water pick and Mr. Thirsty sucked everything up eagerly, but I must say, it was the most thorough cleaning I've ever had. My mouth was killing me when she was done and is still very sore. I need one tooth filled, not too bad, as does Dan.

I saw my best friend of over 40 years last night. I love this woman with all my heart. We went out for dinner at Friday's and talked. I told her about my overpowering depression for the past few weeks, and how my period, which finally arrived this week after a two and a half month absence, was so heavy, I really thought I was going to pass out and need a transfusion. I told her how Bugsy had bitten Dan on his toe and me on my fingers, drawing a lot of blood in both cases, and how I fear we're going to have to give Bugsy back to Last Hope and how much that thought terrifies me because neither Dan nor I don't want to see him ending up being put to sleep because he has a problem that can't be overcome.

I can tell Sharon anything. She understands about Bugsy, yet when she came home with me, Bugsy wouldn't leave her alone. He kept nipping her shoes, the bottom of her pants, circling her, stalking her. I believe it was because he wanted her attention, but she was afraid to touch him, and he barked at her, wanted her to pet him, but she was afraid to do so because of my stories about him and. . .the vicious circle continues.

Dan is bringing Snaps to the Bide A Wee Animal Clinic March 10th, alone, for his shots. I want him to ask the doctor about Bugsy. Perhaps there is Prozac for dogs? I don't want to give him back, but we can't keep him if he keeps regressing like this! We can't take a chance on his biting a stranger and having that person sue us. We can't take a chance on him biting Brad badly, either. I was in agony when Bugsy bit me, believe me, and furious with him, but my anger dwindled and I wanted to just hold him and assure him I still love him. Bugsy didn't come upstairs that night to sleep with us, and I suspect he knew I was angry with him and didn't want him around. But if he knows he did a bad thing, why did he bite me in the first place? I think I hurt him somehow, but I was PETTING him when this happened! My nails were long--did I scratch him by accident? Why would a dog I love so much attack me so badly, I'd bleed and have trouble stopping the flow? Hey, I already have low iron; I don't need any further trouble in that area.

And the crazy thing is, I still love the damn pooch!

More tomorrow, if I have time. I'm going out with Jane to lunch and a movie.

Love, Robin