And the cycle continues! Friday leads into Saturday, then Sunday, then another Monday, the beginning of the work week. Gawd, it's hard to go to bed Sunday when you know you have to get up early Monday for work!

My mother was a smoker, as was hers. Both women had lung cancer when they died (although, to set the record straight, both died of heart attacks, not cancer, per se). My aunt (Mom's sister) had a breast removed due to cancer, yet continues to smoke to this day. My father died at 53 of a massive stroke. He smoked, too.

While I realize smoking is an intense addiction, I can't help but think that anyone who continues to smoke, knowing everything we do about its harmful effects, has a death wish. I'm not going to say anything further about it. My mother once caught me with one of her smoldering butts in my mouth and smacked me across the face. I never smoked again. Thus far, I've managed to avoid cancer.

My husband went to a free Brooklyn Bridge concert Friday night. It was held at Hicksville High School. After having dinner at the Kosher restaurant on Old Country Road where I used to eat with Mom in another lifetime, Dan met two female co-workers and Mike at the concert. I opted not to go, not so much because I don't like BB's music, but because I don't have great memories of the group, which puts me in mind of Dawn, a friend who died at 42 of lung/brain cancer (another smoker) and was jealous of my budding writing career. She wrote an article about them for the front of the book for a magazine called 516, which I introduced her to and which she weasled her way into writing for. I know, it's a sketchy story, but I'm trying to explain the negative connotations of Brooklyn Bridge for me. Also, their big hit, "Worst That Could Happen," was a big favorite of my mother's and, because she loved it so, a big bomb with me.

So, I said no when Dan asked me to join him at the concert. I spent the evening scarfing half a half gallon of peanut butter chocolate ice cream for dinner (in my defense, I did go to the gym and exercise very hard after leaving work). I watched TV and relaxed. Dan was very excited about the concert and said I should have gone. I know I explained to him why I'd begged off, but he either didn't hear me or didn't understand, so I just nodded and said I wished I'd gone. What else could I say?

Dan had called me from the concert to inform me that Mike had won excellent Mets seats tickets to Saturday's game. What that meant was that I only had my husband's company briefly Saturday morning. I spent much of the day going to garage sales looking for a table to replace the one ugly that sits between the brown chair and the sofa in the living room. It's definitely outlived its welcome. Not one garage sale I attended had any furniture, however. The weather had finally cooled down and it was a gorgeous, sunny day. I found some nice blouses for me and winter shirts for Dan at a church sale, all great finds. I napped a while.

Sunday, Dan was all mine. We hit the gym together, went shopping at Wal-Mart and BJ's (saw Nancy and Chris there), ate delicious talapia at TGIFriday's and returned home for relaxation.

I do love weekends, and hate when they're over. The time just goes too quickly, and those five work days inbetween c-r-a-w-l! Well, vacation will be here before I know it, and we're flying to Vegas! Pretty cool, huh? I know I'm really looking forward to it.

But right now, I'm just looking forward to tonight, being away from here, watching some TV with my hubby and doggies.

Allie was in Florida this weekend, a little treat of a retreat from Ernst and Young for all the interns. Nice perk, right? She was away for her birthday. Brad picked her up at the airport yesterday afternoon and her parents took the two of them out for her belated birthday dinner. (Brad gets nice perks, too!)

Have a good one, my dear readers.

Love, Robin

It's been a tough week for me without Connie, but without Gary, it's been peachy. Everyone has been so much more relaxed without our hypocrite of a manager around. On the other hand, Connie is the know-everything gal around here, and I can't help but feel Gary took the same week off because he didn't want to be without Connie, his backup, or as I prefer to call her, his ass-saver. Tee hee.

Our little gnat-cum-fruit fly bugs are still everywhere in the house, flying around the lights, mostly. They're on the kitchen table and in the kitchen, and Dan found them in the dogs' food and treats last night, so he disposed of a lot of that, to my dismay. I wish we could get rid of these tiny black critters. I asked the ladies on my nassau cafe mailing list for help, and they made some good suggestions. Oh, speaking of which, I did hear back from Cousin Don about Erika, and while he seemed dumbfounded that I wrote him about helping a total stranger without even bringing him up to date on my family, he told me to give her his phone number and e-mail addy, so I guess he's willing to try to assist her. I did update him, briefly, on what's happening with the Vogels.

I went out to dinner with Sharon last night. Both of us had Greek salads and other Greek fare at Cafe Uno. We've never gone out on a Thursday night before, so I kept thinking it was Friday, and it confused me. I told her about my cutting off Rose's friendship (even those Rose herself is unaware of having been cut off), the man who died here at the PO this week, Dan's preoccupation with the bugs, his liver cyst, handicapped parking sticker, his interfering mother and his pain, and the other myriad happenings in my life since I'd last seen her. I planned to tell her about our trip to Vegas, but never got around to doing so. When Sharon and I went for a walk in the mall, we ran into Dan in Wal-Mart, and HE revealed our planned trip to her.

(Dan was at the jewelry counter when we ran into him, and bless him, he had my B vitamins in his cart. I had picked up the exact same size container, too! When I teasingly asked him what he was doing at the jewelry counter, (. . .buying something for your girlfriend?") His reply? "I was buying something for you for our anniversary." What's odd about that is, we already bought each other the same gift: a nice flat screen monitor for the computer. So why would he be buying me an additional gift? Is it possible he DOES have someone on the side???

It seemed that everything I had to tell her was bad news, and she felt awful for me, I could see it in her eyes. She and Tom are trading in their current Toyota Camry for a new one, hopefully in time for their drive to Canada with the two youngest kids at the end of the month. She had met her Weight Watcher's goal and was very pleased with herself (which is why we didn't go to Krisch's; she didn't want to be tempted by their ice cream). Except for the fact that she seems to have no breasts at all, she looks slim and marvelous. I urged her to join me at my gym one of these days, and she said she'd love to.

It was a terrific evening, but both of us were yawning, and I asked Sharon to drive us home a little after 8:30. We parted with a huge hug, as we always do, and vowed to get together sooner than we did last time. There were still things we needed to talk about. I apologized for bringing her down, and she said what every best friend needs to hear, "It's OK. You need to talk to SOMEONE about these things." She's right--and Dan, being a guy, doesn't always give me the support I need most.

I'm stopping at the gym to exercise, then home to make Brad some dinner. Dan's going to a free outdoor Brooklyn Bridge concert tonight. I passed on that. It's not as hot as it's been, but still too sticky for comfort. I'll fix myself a light meal and relax.

It's Friday!!!

Love, Robin

A man on tour 3 died last night. He was 52, the exact same age I am. Gives me the shivers, and it's not just that the air conditioning is cranked up high. The temperature outside is into the three-digit range, nearing 110, from what I'm hearing. The humidity feels like it's about a thousand percent. When I walked the dogs this morning, I wore a towel around my neck to repeatedly wipe my face. I keep saying, "If I wanted to live in Florida, I'd MOVE to Florida, damn it!"

But those who have been to Florida for lengthier periods of time than I have inform me that what we're experiencing is a lot worse than Florida. What is happening? Weather all over the world has gone insane. I wonder--is God planning another Noah's ark gig? Should we be planning for a giant flood and getting two of every species together? Will God say, "Oh, not Man. You people really fucked up this planet, and I'd prefer if you went extinct."

Yeah, that would figure, wouldn't it?

I couldn't sleep last night. With no air conditioning in the bedroom and the intense humidity, I felt as if I were lying in a pool of my own sweat. The fan did little to stave off the heat or dampness. We have air conditioners lying around; all we have to do it lift them up and place them in the windows, but they weigh a lot and no one seems to want to do the heavy, arduous work of putting them in. So we're very, very uncomfortable. I couldn't find a position that allowed me to rest well, and when I woke up, my neck and head were killing me. The heat wave is supposed to break tomorrow evening, but for how long? This summer is going down in history, I just know it.

Erika, a woman I know from one of my internet mailing lists is losing her job at the end of next week, a complete shock, apparently. She sounds like a sweetheart, a single mom who really needs her paycheck. She's already starting to panic at the thought of losing her income, and I feel so badly for her. I'm going to try to hook her up with my cousin Don, who is a headhunter. I don't know if he finds jobs for people who do what she does, but it's worth asking. Even if he doesn't, he might know some contacts in the business world who can help. I really don't understand why shitty things happen to undeserving people, and if I can serve as a positive catalyst for Erika, that would be terrific.

We've made our plans to go to Las Vegas! From Saturday, August 26th through Tuesday, 29th, direct flights on Jet Blue, no stops. I'm really excited; we're going to Nevada a brand-new state to both of us, and we've heard Vegas is SO much more thrilling than Atlantic City. I can't wait. And I secured us aisle seats both coming and going this time, too!

The man who died on the workroom floor last night was our facility employee of the month, and from what I've heard, a really nice guy with a wife and kids. He apparently had a heart attack. They tried using the defribrillator on him, without success; he was rushed out of here in an ambulance, but was declared dead at the hospital. It can happen that fast, one minute you're here, alive, the next moment, you're gone, just a slowly fading memory in the mind of those who loved and liked you. Like the song says, "Live goes on without me."

Cynical, right? Yes. But it's true. You make your brief mark, such as it is, and then you're gone. Brad is my greatest contribution to this world, my legacy.

You're lucky to have him.

Love, Robin

PS - I just learned the traffic lights on the major roadway I use to leave work are out, some kind of brownout, apparently. The fun never stops!

Nearly everyone is on vacation in this office, so it's total chaos. I don't know what to do first, so I took a break to work on my blog. Let everything else fall apart!

This was my anniversary weekend. 28 years! My God, there are times when my wedding day seems close enough to touch, smell, feel. The fact that half the people in my wedding pictures have passed away (Mom, Nana, Emery, Uncle Ben) makes me feel both sad and nostalgic. It's a long time, and a very long time to be maritally attached to one person.

Poor Dan. Bugsy took a bite of his toes this weekend when he dared to try to pass by him when he was gobbling on a bone. Snaps had already taken a different bone away from the Bugster a bit earlier in the evening, so to make it up to him, I gave Bugsy a replacement. I guess our blind pooch was feeling very proprietary about the new bone, because when Dan tried to walk past him to go to the bathroom, Bugsy attacked, leaving Dan with two very bloody toes. I had to remind him to keep pressure on the wounds, because Dan left several large drops of blood on the kitchen floor--quite the mess. We got the blood stopped, but as always, it distresses me greatly when Bugsy takes two steps backward and attacks a family member this way. I question our decision to keep him.

Given how quickly July 30 crept up on me, I didn't have a card ready for yesterday, and felt guilty when I got downstairs to find that Dan had one propped up on the kitchen table for me when I woke up yesterday. It was a beautiful pink and white card, too, with a heartfelt poem inside. Dan wrote some mushy additions, like he always does. As always, he did it up right. We already chosen to give each other the flat screen for the computer as our mutual gift this year, and it was a great decision--I love it.

Brad's gift took me aback. He usually gives us a gift certificate or money to eat out somewhere. This year, he bought our present at Things Remembered--a redwood memory box. We can put a picture inside the top, and anything we want inside the black velvet interior. It's so lovely, and so deserving of truly beautiful treasures! I really have to ponder what I'm going to put in there. I feel as if I should place my beating heart inside, or something equally precious.

Dan and I went for an early celebration brunch at the 56th Fighter Group. We haven't been there in a long time, and I'd forgotten their excellent array of fine food, everything from white fish to lox to fresh Belgium waffles to ravioli to roast beef to. . .well, you get the idea. All this against a backdrop of stunning blue skies with planes taking off and landing. It was very romantic. not to mention filling. I took little tastes of nearly everything.

We had to stop off at Cosco right afterward, and for some reason, Dan wasn't feeling well. (PS - We weren't able to snag one lousy handicapped parking spot; they were all taken!) He thought it might be his blood sugar, so I raced through the shopping while he rested on a sofa. He was limping badly after Bugsy's assault on his foot, too.

We've also had a serious bug problem at home, these gnatlike, flying insects that are attracted to our lights, land on our skin and tickle us. They don't bite, but they're very annoying and the large number of them is giving us all heebie jeebies. We've hung up those sticky (but non-poisonous) strips (we don't want to risk getting the dogs sick). The huge amounts of bugs stuck to the strip makes me nauseous! I can't imagine where they're all coming from, but I fear we might have a nest of them inside the house, and that makes me queasy. I don't want to have to call in an exterminator, but we just might have to. I really worry about the dogs with the strong poisons they would probably have to use.

Tonight is open house at our gym, and they're giving away free food! Yummy. I'm going right after work. I hope it's wraps or something equally delicious. I'll let you know.

Love, Robin

In the past couple of days, a man was killed on Sunrise Highway because an elderly man, going the wrong way, struck him. Several other people were embroiled in this accident, some injured, but the man who caused it claims he doesn't remember the incident. One of my co-workers tells me the elderly man's son was told BY a cop only 12 hours previously that his father should NOT be driving, that the man is clearly senile and had gotten into an minor accident earlier that afternoon. If the man's son had listened to that cop, a 33 year old man would be alive today.

There are thousands of car and other accidents every day. Some people die, some walk away.

My sister-in-law was supposed to board a plane that crashed, killing every one of the passengers and crew. She missed the flight. The night an earthquake interrupted a World Series game in California several years ago, that same sister-in-law was supposed to have been on a bridge that collapsed, but a last-minute phone call kept her in the office and perhaps saved her life.

What about all the people who were supposed to be at the World Trade Center on 9/11, but for one reason or another, didn't end up there that horrific day? Three weeks earlier, I'd attended a Dark Shadows convention at the WTC, and don't think I don't get chills just thinking about how only a matter of days separated me from that mass murder.

Fate.

Is it a real entity? Does it play the major role in our lives? Are we really in control, or is there Something Bigger Than All of Us controlling what happens to us every day?

When we don't board a plane that crashes, does that mean we've been Saved For Something Special, or were we just Damned Lucky?

If we were on the road with the senile man who drove the wrong way on the highway, what does it mean? That we were meant to fight for our life that day, but not die? Die like the 33 year old man did? Get the scare of our lives when we saw that car heading head-on for us?

What the fuck does it all mean?

In 1977, I met Dan at a coffee house sponsored by a Jewish philanthropic organization. My mother pushed me to go. His mother pushed him to go. What if one of us had defied our mothers and done something else that night? Would we have met anyway, another place, a different time? Or would we have never met and ended up married to alternate people? Were we MEANT to meet and mate? Set up by Powers Beyond Our Control?

Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

I don't have any answers for this dilemma, mind you, just more questions. It does give one a lot to think about. It's scary, too. When Brad got his license, I said, "I know you're a good driver, a little heavy on the pedal, but a good driver. It isn't YOU I worry about, it's other nuts on the road--people who drink and drive, take drugs and drive, or just get really pissed off and drive. All it takes is one unfortunate encounter with someone like that and you could lose your life. It just makes me want to wrap you in a cocoon and never let you near the rest of the people in this crazy world!"

And keep him out of fate's cruel, nasty, mysterious hands.

Love, Robin