Not me, the weather!

Our temps have been hovering in the single digits the past couple of mornings. How cold is it? Colder than a witch's tit, is the expression that comes to mind. Then I'm reminded of Angelique, the beautiful witch who seduced Barnabas Collins on DARK SHADOWS, my beloved spook soap back in the 60's. I'm betting her tits weren't cold, which is why that expression baffled me the first time I heard it.

I guess it just depends on the witch. Either way, I HATE the cold. The sound of the heat going on constantly sounds like money running through my fingers, faster and faster. God only knows how much per gallon my next oil delivery is going to cost. I don't want to know!

Anyway.

Dan still hasn't found his Nintendo Wii, although he asks around at the stores every weekend, and continues to scour the net each and every night. Poor baby. I guess it's good to have a quest in life, right? I love the guy, but I wish he were as invested in losing his pot belly as he is finding the Wii.

As for me, I'm not in need of anything material for Valentine's Day. I don't want jewelry or clothing or kitchen gadgets. I'd love someone to de-clutter my house for me, show me how to get rid of things and put what's left away so it doesn't look like such a mess.

Of course, I'd always love a professional massage, manicure, pedicure, facial, foot massage, stuff like that. Take me on a cruise, someplace warm, where I can swim in a blue-hued ocean, lie on warm sand and eat food I don't have to cook or clean up after.

Relieve my pain without drugs.

Help me lose weight with less effort.

Make me laugh.

Like I said, I don't need THINGS for Valentine's Day.

Much of what I want can't even be purchased--or had at all.

Love, Robin

A while back, I had a misunderstanding with a friend of mine. I had known this woman for many years. We lived across the street from each other until just a few years ago; she and her husband separated legally but never divorced. She moved into an apartment and he kept the house across the street. A man of some mental and emotional problems, he let the house go to mice and ruin, so when a young couple with three kids moved in, they virtually tore the entire house apart and rebuilt it.

My friend's husband died several months ago, of cancer. He was one of those people who, despite being diabetic, ate lots of ice cream, drank plenty of booze and took up smoking again, years after quitting. (death wish much?) Because of tax repercussions, he and my friend were still married, but she lost her portion of his substantial teacher's pension upon his death.

My friend became a grandmother for the third time in February, 2006. Her daughter, who had been living in San Diego, had moved back here to New York, gotten a wonderful job as a teacher and rented an apartment. Naturally, my friend was thrilled to have her daughter, son-in-law, 8-year-old granddaughter and newborn grandson in close proximity. I was invited to the baby shower and had a great time. I was looking forward to the baby's birth.

Sad to say, I never saw little Jake, because my friend and I had our silent falling-out a month or so after his birth and we haven't spoken since. She angered me so much, I decided that if she wanted to maintain our friendship, SHE would have to call ME. She never got in touch, and I got huffy, figuring she was the one missing out, since we had such a great time whenever we got together.

Well, Saturday, I was wistfully recalling how much I enjoyed her company and how much *I* missed HER. I pulled up in front of my house and dialed her number. I left a message, essentially saying that as far as I was concerned, the past was past and that I missed her. If she missed me, too, I reminded her of my phone number and asked her to call.

Today is Monday and I haven't gotten a response. I might not, and I have to face and accept that. I had to realize that when I took the risk of making that phone call. Despite all the years we were friends, all the fun we had together, I had to understand that my friendship hadn't meant enough to her for HER to make the same gesture I had dared to make Saturday, to take the first step, make that first move. When it all started, it was a game, of sorts, and whoever took the first move, made the first phone call, was the loser. That makes me the loser, but the truth is, I miss this woman, miss her friendship, and I suppose I was thinking how short life is, how petty our "feud" was, and I just wanted to resurrect what we had.

I guess I'm the only one of the two of us who felt that way. I suspect her daughter is soaking up a lot of her time with the baby (who is now almost a year old), and she doesn't have much extra time for friends, especially one who. . .well, at least I tried. I took a risk, right? I don't regret it. I just wish I had gotten a response. Of course, I still might. If she had made the first move, I would have returned that call immediately.

Love, Robin

I'm not sure I feel like writing today, or doing much of anything else. We were expecting some potentially major snow this morning, and I went to bed last night anticipating a sloppy commute, but there wasn't even a flake on the ground when I woke up, so I figured the weatherpeople screwed up again--or our having purchased a snowblower is having the desired effect of keeping away the snow.

However, the instant I stepped outside, the dogs eager for their walk, the snow started, coming down with equal enthusiasm. Damn! It always waits for me!

Actually, it was kind of pretty, and quiet. We walked along, Bugsy and Snaps sniffing for piss-worthy spots. Bugsy hunched over and took a crap right under a pool of light, so I was easily able to see and scoop it up. Weirdly, the snow only sticking to certain areas of the roads and sidewalks. When we returned home and I reported to Dan, "It's snowing," he couldn't believe it; only an hour earlier, it hadn't been!

I was careful driving to work because I wasn't sure what was wet and what was black ice, and didn't want to find out the hard way. There wasn't much to do, and Nancy didn't come in, so instead of taking a walk alone, I read the newspaper during my lunch break and just stayed in my office on the computer during my other break.

You might wonder about the title of today's entry. After reading Kat's blog, I wonder if I have any right continuing mine. I realize we all lead very different lives. My son was hospitalized when we learned he had diabetes, and we, and he, have had to deal with that ever since. He was struck by a car when he was seven, and that was horrible for five months--but he recovered and had no ill effects from it. Now it's a terrible memory, 15+ years in the past. Kat (and many others whose blogs I've read), are dealing with sad, terrible situations that go on and on, that will NEVER terminate. It makes me feel as if what I'm sharing here is perhaps too frivolous.

I hope not. I guess we need to share dark and light. I read a blog yesterday that reduced me to tears, but left me with no hope. We need hope above all, at least I think so.

I leave you for this weekend with groundhogs who saw their shadow, groundhogs who didn't, and my HOPE for an early spring. Hell, winter came late, then finally showed up with a vengeance; we've had enough cold, I'm ready for it to go away and for everything to start growing and be warm again.

Love, Robin

I believe I've mentioned Nancy, my friend who was forced to move here to Long Island from Buffalo when her husband became a postal inspector. I think the huge differences in cost and lifestyle have unhinged her, I really do.

There are people who are glass-half-empty people. Nancy is one of those, but to an extreme that exhausts and scares me me. She despises Long Island and never tires of comparing it to Buffalo. The roads are never as crazy or busy in Buffalo, everything, especially food, homes and land, is much cheaper. According to Nancy, the dampness, crowds, poisoned water and terrible drivers have made her life here hell. Plus, everyone, except me, hates her. Since coming here, she had car accidents, people chased her after scary traffic incidents, a cop gave her a ticket, her pets keep getting sick, she and her husband keep getting sick, vets cost four times as much as Buffalo vets. . .get the picture? Nancy says her sister-in-law, a self-professed witch, cursed her and her husband a few years back, and they've had nothing but bad luck since.

Here's the thing--I can feel sorry for Nancy, but only up to a point. It's very difficult to get together with a negative person every single day, and I really believe she needs to see a psychiatrist and be put on anti-depressants. I take them, and see nothing wrong with needing them. Nancy majored in psych in college and seems to think that means she doesn't need to see a shrink; she can self-psychoanalyze herself. I disagree, and have gently told her so. When it comes to such things, however, we need to believe we need the help before we'll seek it. Nancy is, in my opinion, clinically depressed. With the proper medication, she could be a new person, a far happier, healthier woman.

Lately, every time we get together and she goes off on how miserable her life is and how badly she wants to get away from here, I feel like jumping off a cliff. So in that way, her friendship isn't good for me anymore. I can't tell her that, because it would hurt her too much. I wonder, if I did, would it force her to change? Or would it burden her further, make her more depressed? I fear the latter. I would never want to add to Nancy's misery. On the other hand, I can't deal with her adding daily, unrelenting grief to my fragile psyche, which I sometimes think is only being held together by a stack of pills.

Don't worry--be happy.

Love, Robin

Factoids:

I hated brushing my teeth when I was a kid, so I used to chew a piece of minty gum in the morning. When Mom sniffed my breath, she thought I was good to go, but was puzzled when I had 5, 6 or 11 cavities at a time. I was only fooling myself!

Growing up, both my brother and I got tons of canker sores in our mouths. They hurt like hell, and we never could figure out what caused them.

Two of my best friends lived next door in Levittown--fraternal twins Dottie and Ginny. Dottie was lots prettier than her sister. I loved waiting for them to walk to school in the morning, watching their mother twine their long blond hair into two braids apiece on their heads.

I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 8, late for those years. Dottie and Ginny taught me, and it was amongst the proudest moments of my life when I finally got it.

I LOVE shrimp. Give me cold shrimp with spicy cocktail sauce and I'm in heaven!

I love the BACK TO THE FUTURE movies, especially #1. Michael J Fox is one of my favorites, and I feel so badly that he's battling Parkinson's at such a young age.

Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones is HOT!

I'm picking up 5 pairs of size 16 jeans from a Freecycler on my way home today, and it always excites me to get something for nothing. Freebies are the greatest. I like giving nice things away to nice people, too!

Love, Robin