Here we go again, another Monday, another week!

I ran back and forth between Nancy's house and my own this weekend, and it was exhausting. Except for thinking I misplaced Weezy (short for Louise), I did OK with her cats and dogs. Sophie and Vivi, her two big old pooches, keep trying to take their stuffed toys (squeakies) outside every time they go out, but that's a no-no, so I have to chase them and grab them out of their mouths before they can get them out of the house. They weren't as stubborn about it in the past, so it seems as if they're trying to get away with things on me this time around. But I won't let them.

I have to make sure six water bowls are kept filled with clean, cold water, ensure that three bowls are filled with cat food, shove a pill down Vivi's throat twice daily that helps with her arthritis, give both dogs joint yum yums twice daily, give the cats treats in the morning, feed the dogs once daily (and both get different diets). And with the current fear of poisoned dog food going around, I have to hope that whatever Nancy and Chris have purchased for their dogs is safe (because they don't get a newspaper or watch the news and hence have no idea themselves). Plus, there are three litter boxes and one cat with diarrhea, so you do the math! I'm scooping three times a day--and two of those boxes are supposed to be automatic. My ass!

I spent Saturday and Sunday night at Nancy's, but didn't sleep well because it's not my house, and I'm surrounded by animals snoring, using litter boxes and going in and out of doggie doors. It's just plain weird. On the plus side, Dan let me borrow his portable DVD player and I've been watching my season 1 eps of Supernatural. Why not--it's not like I can watch my DVR'd shows, but I am taping several this week. I set them up while I was home yesterday, and brought back the Newsday TV Guide so I could refer to it for the shows I'm watching at Nancy's this week.

I got many phone calls from Nancy over the past couple of days, as you can imagine. They left for Florida Saturday, and her husband was so miserable over being forced on vacation, he threw a suitcase at her! They called me before they left, once they arrived in Miami, before they got on the boat, after they got on the boat, and she called me a short time ago (they're sailing now), to tell me she can't have lunch with me today! I teasingly called her a bitch, but damn--I sure wish I was taking a cruise right now! And from what she told me, instead of doing stuff on the boat, they're sleeping! How can you take a cruise and sleep? This trip is being wasted on those two!

Sigh.

On Saturday, Dan, Mike and I went to Circuit City to buy a new computer. Ths is in lieu of the big screen TV set Dan wanted, so it's about a third of the money, and at least it means a faster computer for me, too. Now that I'm watching all those Supernatural videos on YouTube, I really want everything to download fast and be of the highest possible quality.

I'm still weepy, of course. Dan and I went out to Mary's in town for pizza about 2 o'clock yesterday. He was too tired to go to the gym, since he and Mike stayed up until 2:30 AM working on the computer, so we had breakfast at the buffet about 9:30 AM, then pizza at Mary's. While we were at the counter, I mentioned something about walking with Rose to the ices place in town, which had just re-opened for the season. That got me thinking about my overture of reviving our friendship and how she didn't take me up on it, which of course started me in self-pity mode and made me cry. When I told Dan why I was crying, he just reminded me that Rose hadn't been that good a friend to me anyway. But we had fun together, I mumbled, still teary, but what he said did make me feel better enough to stop my tears and let me finish my lunch.

I went to the gym for half an hour, then right to Nancy's to do my rounds of water bowls and litter boxes and feed the dogs. I went through all my mail on the net, ate only strawberries for dinner and watched one episode of Supernatural on DVD. Then I watched Simpsons, but fell asleep during the show after that and had to get up to let out the dogs and take my medication and shot--which made it impossible for me to get back to sleep for a long time.

Which is why I'm so tired now.

Dan says he and Mike are going out to dinner tonight at the Corner Galley, although he didn't mention Brad. Nancy and Chris left me $350 for my family, and I gave Dan $250 for him and Brad to eat out on. They left me a 10-12 pound turkey, which I think I'll cook tonight and nosh on for the next few days. Turkey is good.

Love, Robin

I couldn't wait to see SUPERNATURAL last night. Between previews and what I was avariciously reading on the net, I was so "spoiled" in advance, I was sure I knew exactly what was going to happen--but I was wrong.

Yes, Sam Winchester fell in love with a young woman, Madison, who turned out to be a werewolf, but she didn't realize she was turning into a killing machine during the cycle of the full moon. Their sex scene was beautiful, except it was too much closeup on their faces; wanting to see more of Jared Padalecki's amazingly buff body, I kept wanting to make the camera pan back, LOL.

Because of something in their father's notebook, the brothers thought if they killed the werewolf who'd bitten Madison, they could cure her. Dean, thrilled that his little brother might finally be getting some nookie, realized it was Madison's across-the-hall neighbor and killed him with a silver bullet. The guy was wasting prostitutes, despite his religious t-shirt, but Dean was visibly upset when the dying man took over the body of the werewolf not comprehending what had happened to him.

Sam learned the hard way that Madison was NOT cured when he awakened after their lovemaking to find she had reverted to the wolf. Instead of killing him, however, she disappeared out the window.

During the final few minutes of the episode, the Winchesters and Madison realize there is only one way out for her--death. She tells Sam she can't do it, hands him the gun and begs him to save her. Unable to bear the pain in his brother's eyes, Dean takes the gun from Sam, ready to do the deed. But Sam, sobbing, tears spilling down his face, takes back the gun and goes into the living room with Madison, leaving Dean alone in the kitchen. Dean hears the gunshot, flinches, and one tear spills down his cheek.

Not that I need anymore help with my gushing tear ducts, folks, but you can only imagine how this episode affected me. I'm already a wreck because I have to spend the next week away from my family and my dogs, taking care of business at Nancy's house. There won't be a new episode of Supernatural for a full month. At least I got my SN season 1 DVD's in the mail yesterday, and Dan said I can take his portable DVD player with me to Nancy's, so I can watch them at her house.

I seriously have my doubts that I'm going to be able to hold myself together next week. Nancy wants to leave me a defrosted turkey. I don't even know how to use her oven, so how am I going to roast a turkey? Christ.

I'm still a sobbing wreck today, but my period has yet to make an appearance. I'm not sure I'm even getting it, but feel as if I will. Who knows? It seems as if I'm doomed to have the longest peri-menopause on the planet.

I sure hope SUPERNATURAL got good Nielsen numbers last night. We need strong numbers if the series has any hope of getting renewed for season three. My fear is that it has a loyal fan base, but a small one. They promo'd the hell out of last night's show, though, but now, with a four-week hiatus after only two new shows, how is that going to help matters?

Sigh.

I hope you have a great weekend, Merry Blogsters. You will be hearing from me, possibly from Nancy's house. One good thing is that I'll be spending a lot more time on the computer.

Love, Robin

SAVE SUPERNATURAL, SAVE THE WORLD!

I wanted to thank my friend Cassie for her sweet personal note from the other day. I read it and guess what? I cried! I can't take anything nice being said about me, can't listen to sad songs, can't hear sad news--I'm a fried, total nut case. I can't ever recall being as sensitive as this in my entire life, even after I'd had Brad two months after my mother's death! Imagine post-partum depression of that depth?

Over two-fer dinner last night at Sidekicks (Brad was tutoring and couldn't join us), I confessed to Dan that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to handle a full week alone at Nancy's with her pets. I was afraid I'd go looners with all that time to think. I reminded him that I haven't been too tightly strung these days. "I know," he said, surprising me. I wasn't sure he'd even noticed. Apparently, I was wrong. Somehow, that comforted me.

Today Kim, a woman I can barely stand, was nominated for Woman of the Year. We surprised her with a breakfast, a bouquet of flowers and a gift. From what I know of her, she's a whore and a thief, but she gets nominated for this award! She used to fuck one of our higher-ups, so I guess this is her reward for spreading it. And you wonder why I get depressed and cry? The ironic thing is, Nancy, who used to have her job, and truly despises her, was baldly left out of the celebration; I, who am very obviously Nancy's friend, was invited. Go figure that one out! At least I got a nice cup of coffee and some tasty eats out of it.

Last night, all of us were watching AMERICAN IDOL in the living room. Brad was sitting in the chair usually reserved for Snaps or Bugsy. The latter was sitting on the floor, STARING at Brad. Yes, this is the blind dog I'm talking about! He didn't lie down, as he usually does, he simply sat, facing Brad. He didn't bark, the way he does when he wants Snaps off my chair so HE can take his place, or barks at Dan on the sofa for whatever-the-fuck reason he does that. He waited for Brad to leave the chair, tried to bite him as he ran to the stairs, missed, and finally claimed his place on the chair. After a while, he left that chair, barked Snaps off my chair, and took his placed by my feet on the chaise lounge.

Bugsy. I can't figure out that freaking animal, but he sure makes life interesting!

I've been immersing myself in photos of Jared and Jensen today. They sure are handsome fellas.

Sigh!

I went home after work to Nancy's yesterday so she could show me what's new in her house. There are three litter boxes now, four water bowls, new door locking instructions and I left feeling as I always do--like I've fallen down the rabbit hole. It's going to be a long 8 days at Nancy's house!

Love, Robin

I returned to work today. Connie took excellent care of my job yesterday, so I was able to mostly do whatever I wanted and look up Supernatural stuff. I'm finding so much to look at, too! Whew! The computer is just chock full, dating back to 2005, when news began flying that the show was going to be hitting the airwaves.

I'm not weepy today, but I AM crampy. I think my period is on the way. Am I bitter? YES! After five months without, to get it two months in a row. . .I wanted it gone! I don't have any control over it, though, but I do wish I weren't so fucking weepy about every damn thing. Again, not in my control--which is why I'm so pissed off!

I'm supposed to go home after work to Nancy's so I can see what changes there are at her house. I'm staying there from 3/24-4/1, a very long haul this time, so she and Chris can take their cruise. Of course, given that they're trying to sell their house here while buying a new home in Buffalo, they really don't want to take the cruise at all, but if they don't, they forfeit their money. I wonder if they're going to be able to relax at all over those five days at sea? Somehow, I doubt it. As for me, I wonder if *I* will be able to relax at their house, wondering how Dan and Brad are faring with Bugsy and Snaps. Bugsy gave them trouble last time, and I feel guilty for helping Nancy and Chris and leaving my own family to fend for themselves, especially this long a stretch. Of course, I'll mostly be at my own house on the weekends, only at Nancy's to feed the dogs and sleep, but I remember what a hassle it was driving back and forth on Route 110 on Saturdays and Sundays, and how much heavier traffic was than I thought it would be.

I just pray that Nancy's pets stay healthy while I'm with them. That's my biggest fear. Three of the five are getting quite old.

Charlene, who sits up front in the Tour Office, gave me a beautiful tote bag from the Humane Society of the United States. It's black, with a picture of a dog and cat on it. She had an extra, and knowing what a dog lover I am, gave it to me. I was really honored.

You know, I realize something about me--I don't think I DESERVE nice things from people, or to be given compliments or kindness. I think I suck! I consider myself a terrible person! I don't really know why, and I'm sure a shrink would have a fantastic time explaining it to me, but here I go crying all of a sudden! WHY? Wow, I am so angry at myself right now, if I could turn my foot the right way, I would totally kick my own ass.

I'm putting this mood down to PMS.

Have a terrific evening, Merry Blogsters!

Love, Robin

Along with everywhere else! Damn, something is so wrong with me, I don't know what to do, but I'm getting ready to slap myself silly if I don't stop crying over every single stupid thing. I did double check the calendar, and it's highly possible I'm PMSing. I did get a period last month, and if I'm back on track for another, I could very well get it this week, which means this extra-weepy me might be due to nothing more than that. Shit. But I've never been this annoyingly sensitive before! This is SUPER-PMS!

I banged in to work today. Remember, that's postal lingo for calling in sick. After a poor night's sleep, I woke up with a headache. My tummy was upset last night, and I just figured it was time to use a sick day in 2007, so I stayed home.

I checked my e-mail a lot, added some new tunes (mostly SUPERNATURAL related) to my MP3 player, napped for a couple of hours, and went to the gym. Even there, I couldn't keep my waterworks at bay; I kept bursting into tears. When I felt sadness overcoming me in the jacuzzi, I ran into the shower and cried hard in there, letting the noise cover my sobs. Maybe I need to ratchet up the dosage of my antidepressant again; this constant loss of control over my emotions is getting too hard to take. Next week, when I'm alone at Nancy's with her pets, will I be able to control myself, or will I be drowning her poor dogs and cats in my tears?

It didn't help that Dan, Mike and I went to see PREMONITION yesterday. A new Sandra Bullock movie, it's about a woman who knows her husband is going to die and does everything she can to prevent it--but in the end, he does anyway. It's very sad. I cried at the end, of course. Problem is, every time I think about the end, I cry again! Usually, I can leave these things behind in the theater, but this one is still upsetting me, and that isn't normal.

A guy from one of my lists, someone I don't even know, adopted a dog from a neighbor who could no longer keep him. I wrote him a "God bless you for your kindness" e-mail, then burst into tears. This is just nuts! But. . .you guessed it, I'm crying!

Thinking about SUPERNATURAL possibly being canceled has me so upset, I sent a letter to the president of the CW network and a couple to their sponsors over the weekend, begging them to renew it for a third season. Between this and Nancy moving, I'm feeling overwhelmed with sadness, a depth of depression I'm not sure I can handle without help, whether it's someone to talk to or additional medication.

See why I call this blog "My Whackadoodle Life?" it's not just outside forces that are whacky, it's inside forces, too. And right now, those inner forces are totally attacking me, beating me down. I just hope I can fight back, somehow, and be the victor.

Love, Robin