While on the SUPERNATURAL lists today, I was informed that MY letter to TV Guide, a "Cheer" I sent to Cheers and Jeers a couple of weeks ago, made it to the section--and it's the "Featured Cheer" of the week! I'm so excited! They only feature my name as Robin V, from Massapequa Park, but anyone who knows me at all is going to know that's me. What's especially cool is that it gives such a terrific push for SUPERNATURAL, encouraging viewers to watch it instead of GREY'S ANATOMY or CSI. Given that those latter two are in the top 5 ratings every week, I'm not holding my breath, but it really seems as if SN is getting a lot of positive publicity this week, and that can't hurt!

You know, that's about the most exciting thing that happened to me today, and I don't really have much more to tell you.

I'm going to be pet sitting for Nancy again next week, from Monday night into Tuesday. She and Chris need to fly to Buffalo to talk to the owner of the one house that appealed to them.

By the way, here is the letter that made it into TV Guide:

Reader's Cheer of the Week to Supernatural for a fantastic second season loaded with incredible writing, acting, and directing. This underrated show - unfortunately fighting for ratings against Grey's Anatomy and CSI - is scary, sexy, provocative and brilliantly conceived. The superhot Winchester boys are far more riveting than bed-hopping doctors or chopped-up corpses, believe me.

I wish I'd sent out a shout to Eric Kripke, the genius creator behind SUPERNATURAL, but it's easy to be a Monday morning quarterback when it comes to things like this.

Love, Robin

It rained yesterday. I could make ark and two by two jokes, but a lot of people are dealing with flooding today, and my editor friend, Lisa, is one of them. Her basement has six inches of water. Ruined are her computer, 52 inch TV, a brand new pool table, and several other things. I feel bad for her, especially since she has other concerns on her mind right now.

Everyone is talking about the upcoming DS convention, which is being held in Connecticut this summer. I'm not going. I've been to enough of them and have gotten everyone's autograph enough times. I'm done with buying DS merchandise. Speaking of which, when I returned from Nancy's Saturday, my SUPERNATURAL goody box was awaiting me. I got my Winchester Demon Tour t-shirt, my 8X10 photo of Dean and Sam, and the four bookmarks I ordered. Nice! I've moved my affections from one TV show to another, you see.

I saw the psychiatrist Friday. She was very young and very nice. It amused me how she wrote down certain things I said. I started crying almost immediately upon sitting down with her. I expressed pain over my brother's saying how I'd wasted my talents by working for the Postal Service all these years, and she wanted to know if I felt the same. I do, and yet, I'm too LAZY to make any changes at this point. I explained how, sure, I wanted to be a writer and that for years, I sent out manuscripts only to have most of them rejected. I burnt myself out on that. I described how I'd made lots of money writing porn, but burnt out on that, too. I just don't have the PUSH for it all anymore! We discussed my mother's depression, and I told her I only was dealing with lows, not highs, as Mom did. She was bi-polar, with manic episodes, I don't have those and never have. I told her how I hate myself for these crying episodes, despise my own weakness, and I suspect she thinks I need to work on that self-hatred for a hundred years or so.

We only spoke for a short time, but she said she wanted to see me again, so I made another appointment for this Friday.

I met Dan Friday night for dinner at Ruby Tuesday's, then we went to our gym, which is located in the same parking lot. I felt guilty leaving Nancy's animals alone so long, plus I was full from dinner and exhausted, so after half an hour on the rowing machine, I told Dan I was leaving. I arrived at Nancy's right about 9 PM, only to find the show I was planning to watch wasn't even on. Oh, by the way, I did finish up all of season 1 of SUPERNATURAL this weekend. It was great. I want to start all over, plus I still have to watch the extras!

Saturday was a gorgeous, sunny day. Weatherpeople urged us to enjoy to the fullest, because we wouldn't be seeing the sun again until Thursday. I went out to a nearby bagel shop for breakfast, then stopped at a Harmon Drug store to buy primrose oil and another item recommended by Dr. O'Connor for my weepies. I also purchased acidopholous, which Doris gave me years back for stomach trouble and I found always helped. I went back to Nancy's to hang with the animals and check my e-mail. She called to let me know their plane was delayed taking off due to mechanical failure. She told me to feed Sophie and Vivi a cup and a half of food each, that she and Chris would be home two hours later than expected.

I still left at 11:30 because Dan needed me home. He and Brad were getting new phones from the Verizon store and I was needed to sign for them, since the USPS provides a 20% discount on the plan. It took a while, but we finally finished up all the paperwork. Frankly, I don't think we needed new phones, but I got a bonus--Dan's old phone is now mine, and it takes pictures and has a lot of great features. I'm going to be able to fill it with fabulous photos of Jensen and Jared! And my family, of course.

Dan and I went out to the buffet in Levittown for dinner, but I really had trouble finding anything I wanted to eat; everything was overcooked, undercooked or just gross. We ended up there the following morning for breakfast, too, before the gym, but it's hard to ruin eggs. Everything we did yesterday, we slogged through pouring skies and heavily blowing wind. It was awful, but mainly an inconvenience. For others, with flooded basements and worse, it was a catastrophe. And cold, too! WHERE THE HELL IS SPRING?

Last night, Dan, Brad and I had dinner at the diner. We really had fun together, laughing as we always do. I do love spending time with my family, rare as it is. They make me laugh, and I would really rather laugh than cry.

Love, Robin

It rained yesterday with a ferocity that reminded me of Bugsy when you touch him and he doesn't want you to--all teeth, blood and anger. We could hear it pounding on the roof over our heads all day, without let-up, and if you happened to look out the window, you could see it hitting the pavement, pooling in the parking lot, making a lake for us to swim in.

It made the day very long and tiring. In pain all over my body, I took three Advil clones in the morning and found myself floating through the day on a thick cloud of exhaustion. I started before 6 AM because I had a 2:45 appointment with Dr. O'Connor, my gynecologist. She didn't have to do a pussy check, but I did want to discuss my incessant crying with her and its connection to peri-menopause.

She was so sweet and understanding. Of course, I broke into tears several times during our talk, which is my modus operandi these days. She suggested I take B-12, which I'm already taking, oil of primrose, soy isoflavone, and was glad to learn I'm seeing the shrink today. She asked if my mother had suffered from depression, and explained that, if a woman already has depression, it gets worse during peri-menopause. I didn't know that! Dr. O'Connor suggested that I might need more of my anti-depressants right now, just to tide me over during this phase of my life. Hey, whatever helps, this is just ridiculous!

What's really weird, too, is that today I feel like I'm really getting a period, all crampy and achey. I want to STOP getting periods, which is what I told the doctor yesterday. I described my disappointment at missing them for five months, then getting one and having to start that fucking year all over again.

The worst part of the doctor's visit yesterday was trying to get there on time. The bad rainstorm had stopped by the time I'd left work, but traffic was maddeningly slow, lights were all red, and by the time I paid my copay and ran like an idiot to the right place, it was exactly 2:45 and I was out of breath. No sooner had I settled into a seat than they called me in. At least I didn't have to climb into the stirrups this visit, thank God!

I leave at 2:30 today and go to the shrink. Should be interesting. I wonder what we'll talk about?

All was tranquil at Nancy's yesterday. I fed the dogs, emptied out the cats' litterboxes, filled the waterbowls. Nancy left me 3 t-shirts they bought on their cruise, socks, a stuffed animal puppet, and $80. She's really gone crazy with the money this time, and part of me feels so guilty for accepting it, I burst into tears when I opened the envelope and saw it. I still don't know why, but I feel I don't deserve it and shouldn't be taking it. But then I argue with myself--it is taking me away from my own family and pets, so why shouldn't I accept it?

I spent the afternoon between the computer and watching two episodes of SUPERNATURAL on DVD. There is so much incestuous Wincester fan fiction on the internet, it's really disconcerting. I guess a lot of people pick up on the angsty brotherly vibes as being sexual, and in real life, there's a lot of touchy-feely camaraderie between Jared and Jensen, perhaps from their Texan background. But so many people are taking it as license to write the most pornographic homosexual stories about them, and not just as Sam and Dean, their characters on the show, but even as the actors themselves. Yuck. I mean, here's the way I see it--on the show, Sam and Dean are presented as being het. In real life, Jensen and Jared both have girlfriends and are presented as being het. End of story! I guess people are writing such stories because they WISH these two were gay, huh, aw in alternate reality? Fine, but I don't have to read them!

That's my rant for today. I wonder what the shrink I'm seeing would have to say about it?

I'm seeing Dan later for dinner and gym.

Have a great weekend?

Love, Robin

A woman named Lauren Terrazano has been writing a column called "Life With Cancer" in Newsday, my local paper, for a while now. I've been reading the courageous story of her battle, cheering her on. Yesterday, she wrote that her cancer had returned, and that she'd been given two to three months to live. She's 39 years old. I've been crying every time I think about that. This isn't the same hormone-fueled crying I was suffering from before; this is I-feel-so-very-badly-for-this-woman-I-can't-bear-it crying. I took down her e-mail address and wrote to her, expressing how sorry I am. What can I say? She doesn't know me. My feelings don't mean anything to her.

There but for the grace of God go I.

What if that happened to me? What if I received news like that? Here I am, fretting over the renewal or cancellation of SUPERNATURAL as if it's the beginning and end of the world. Hey, if I were Lauren, it wouldn't matter, because, according to her doctor, she won't be here when the new TV season begins!

I cried driving home. Actually, I had to stop at a Plainview address to pick up some diabetes supplies I read about on Freecycle. I had made arrangements with a woman who lived on Gloria Place, which meant I had the nice ride through the industrial park Dan works in. I had no trouble finding the house, thanks to decent directions from Mapquest, but when I got there, no one answered the door (but there was a dog barking on the other side). I left a note asking her to call me, but she hasn't so far. People are so unreliable, no wonder I love animals and TV shows more (not that they're anymore reliable, after this craziness with Bugsy and Supernatural, LOL).

LOL. I said this was going to be depressing, but here I am, LOL. I read something on the net today indicating that CW 11's president doesn't much like SUPERNATURAL, which doesn't bode well for the show, as far as I'm concerned. Then again, the final decision isn't hers, thank God. We have to wait until May 17 to learn the final fate, which seems eons away right now. But with any luck, I should be around then, and a lot longer, to find out.

Given the high cancer rate in my family, I've been waiting for my own cancer diagnosis for years. I have so much fat all over my body, I figure it's just waiting, biding its time, to pop out and start plaguing me--my breasts, ovaries, cervix, ass. One of the reasons I'm exercising every other day is because I figure the less fat on my body, the less places cancer can grow--preventive maintenance.

Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki were supposed to go to England next month to a promotional convention, but Jared got a movie deal to star as painter Kincade, so he had to bow out, leaving, I'm sure, thousands of disappointed fans in the UK.

Tomorrow, I return to Nancy and Chris' house to take care of their dogs and cats for two nights while they go to Buffalo to scope out a new house to live in. I'm not thrilled, especially since it's supposed to rain tomorrow, which means wet, muddy dogs coming in. I also have to start work earlier the next two mornings because I have doctor's appointments right after work.

Craziness.

Lauren, I just hope the ending isn't too painful for you.

Love, Robin

This Easter weekend went quickly. Nothing was open Sunday, so that limited what we were able to do. Taking a nap yesterday from 1-4 helped shorten the day for me.

Dan and Mike went to see THE REAPING, a flick that just came out and which I probably would have enjoyed, but I preferred staying home to catch up on my DVR'd TV shows and first season eps of SUPERNATURAL. Weariness overcame me about 1 PM and I slept until 4. So much for catching up on anything but sleep!

Dan, Mike, Brad and I went out to the Deer Park Chinese buffet, which cost only $12.99 per person, it's regular price. Most places push up their rates on holidays, so I agreed to go there. It was Brad's first time eating there, and he was impressed with the large selection. They even had lobster, but with such a tough shell, it was hard to get at the meat inside. I pigged out, but managed to avoid eating ice cream or any of the other "bad" desserts in favor of fruit. Brad, I'm sorry to say, didn't follow my example.

The SOPRANOS returned after a long hiatus last night, but I'm taping it tonight because there was a taping conflict. I watched a new ep of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES and taped COLD CASE and the show on after it.

Saturday, Dan and I ate breakfast at Old Country Buffet, then went to the flea market. I ordered a black t-shirt with "SUPERNATURAL" in white letters over my chest. I figure it's my little way of pushing the show. We entered a contest to try to win flea market dollars blowing in a plastic phonebooth contraption, but weren't chosen. At another booth, Dan wanted to buy a t-shirt that said TELL YOUR BOOBS TO STOP STARING AT MY EYES, but they didn't have it in extra large, and that's the size he needed. He also liked a shirt that said, LET'S FLIP A COIN: HEADS I GET TAIL, TAILS I GET HEAD.

My new t-shirt in the bag, we went to the gym. I had an hourlong workout consisting of rowing machine and treadmill. Then I swam in the pool a few laps and went into the jacuzzi, where the jets weren't working. As far as I'm concerned, if I can't get those jets hitting my bad back, I might as well not go in! Shit! And I really felt like I deserved the jacuzzi, too!

Dan's friend Mike (aka Windy), a friend from college, married twice (the second wife kept us from contacting Mike for the entire 12 years of their marriage) had gotten in touch with Dan a few days or so ago and said he was coming from West Virginia with his new girlfriend, Cheryl, and wanted to see us. (The last I knew, Mike had a girlfriend in California and was living there with her.)

Anyway, we met them at Westfield Sunrise Mall and ended up hanging together in the food court and talking for quite a long time. Cheryl is a very nice, heavyset girl with a soft, gorgeous complexion. Mike apparently has moved into her small house with her, her daughter and two grandchildren. (Mike is presently living off government assistance of some kind and mooching off Cheryl, too, it seems. I never really liked this guy, and perhaps you can understand why.)

So we talked to them until nearly 5, when Brad called to ask about dinner, which gave us an excuse to separate from them and go home. We stopped at Tees Me and bought Dan two t-shirts, one that says, TELL YOUR BOOBS TO STOP STARING AT ME. The other had an even ruder saying, but I can't remember what it said.

Brad, Dan and I went out for dinner at Giovanni's, where our son was telling us how 12 and 13 year old kids are not only having oral sex, but going all the way. I was very disturbed to hear that, because what can CHILDREN do with all the emotion that goes with having a sexual relationship? I mean, sure, you can go through the mechanics of it, but do they take precautions? It's so easy to get pregnant, and to think of CHILDREN having sex like playing a video game. . .it really, really upsets me.

Sigh.

No, it doesn't bring me to tears, but it does make me unutterably sad.

Nancy went to the doctor today, and was sent for blood tests and an immediate stress test. Poor woman, I hope she survives moving back to Buffalo.

I'm going to try ordering some official SUPERNATURAL merchandise when I get home. Just a few things. They have such cool stuff, not cheap, but really nice.

Love, Robin