Friday night, Dan and I got home from having dinner at the mall food court (tacos at Taco Bell) and found two dead birds and one live, peeping one on the ground between our house and the one next door. I immediately blamed the kids next door, imagining that they had killed the two dead birds. There was a little gun lying nearby, perhaps a b-b gun, so I figured that was what had murdered two of the birds.

I couldn't leave the one remaining bird on the ground to be eaten by one of the stray cats wandering our area, and he was unable to fly, so I picked him up and brought him into our backyard.

Which is how I ended up becoming Mama Bird to Winchester (the name I dubbed him after he survived from Friday night into Saturday morning). I fed him banana and water to begin with, not knowing what else to give him, and he gobbled it down greedily.

I called Pet Vet at the suggestion of someone at Petco. A nice lady at Pet Vet said they would take him off our hands and rehab him so he could be sent off into the wild, asking only a donation from us in return. Because Winchester's parents were hanging around, I decided I preferred to keep him at my house, at least for a little while, in case they wanted to play a role in their child's life.

We put Winchester in a box up on the deck railing near a tree that his parents were hanging around. The Pet Vet lady said I should feed him cat food, so I picked up a can and began giving him that, which he enjoyed a lot. I dropped water into his mouth, too, and little bits of Pupcorn.

As you can imagine, Bugsy and Snaps were NOT happy at my paying attention to this noisy usurper, and Bugsy in particular barked whenever Winchester chirped. Both dogs tried to get at the box, but it was too high up with no purchase.

I just hope Winchester will still be alive when I get home today. It's deathly hot and he isn't being fed all day. Brad is starting class today, so he isn't home to do it (and he probably thinks his mother is nuts for doing this, anyway).

We're having trouble getting a cruise for August, but I did make my reservations for Vancouver! I can't believe I'm actually going there, alone! This is definitely going to be an adventure, but I sure hope it turns out better than mine usually do. I want to meet Jensen and Jared, and I want to take thousands of wonderful photos, and I want to enjoy Vancouver and tour the studio and come home with fantastic stories that make everyone jealous!

My weekend, aside from Winchester, was nothing too exciting, but Brad went to Mohegan Sun with Ali and a bunch of friends. They drove to Orient Point, took the ferry to Connecticut, had fun at the casino (I believe Brad lost everything he brought to play with) and came home late.

Dan and I did a lot of sleeping Saturday, we did the gym and buffet breakfast Sunday, ate out with Mike Sunday night, and that's about it!

Hey, everybody say a prayer that little Winchester survived today, OK? Thanks!

Love, Robin

Weird getting a day off in the middle of the week. It feels like Monday instead of Thursday.

I can't believe it--for the first year since we moved to "the Park," we missed Breakfast at Brady. I feel so awful about it, because it really is one of the most pleasant things our village has to offer--a $3.00 breakfast served by the very sweet elderly people of our town at Brady Park on the Sunday before July 4th. I totally forgot about it this year, and it quietly passed us by. When I remembered, it was too late, and when I told Dan, he was disappointed, too. It's a tradition, and I love traditions. It really bothers me that I've been in such a fog, I didn't even remember to go. Shit!

July 4th passed quietly, too, except for the horrible fireworks that hurt poor Bugsy's ears. It rained, but not quite enough to stop the lighting and firing of firecrackers that sounded like sonic booms in some instances. I didn't even feel compelled to go outside and watch the pretty lights in the sky like I usually do. Although I took a three hour nap in the afternoon, I was still tired enough to fall asleep watching an 8 PM episode of CSI: NY. I watched the Macy's fireworks display at 9, but not with much enthusiasm. I seem to have little enthusiasm for anything but SUPERNATURAL these days.

And yet, I still haven't set up my plane arrangements yet. I don't know what the hell I'm waiting for; the week I want to go is coming up very quickly, and the rates won't go any lower. I took a major leap by faxing a letter to the studio in Canada a half hour ago, essentially explaining what a big fan I am of the show, of Jared and Jensen, and how I wrote the "cheer of the week" extolling the virtues of SN published in TV Guide a few months ago. I suggested that since I was coming such a long distance and was such a big supporter of the show, I wanted to get a tour and a meeting with J & J--then I boldly faxed it to Canada right here from work!

I can't quite believe what big balls I had to do that (although less large than calling and making the same request). I just don't want to go all the way to Vancouver and be disappointed like I was when I went to the Upfronts. That was a cheap train ride and a day off from work, this is a week off work and a LOT more than a cheap train ride. I want a LOT more this time around!

Yesterday wasn't a bang-up July 4th at my house. Brad went with Ali to an evening party, but first he and Dan had hot dogs at home for lunch provided by Marchon (Boar's Head, complete with rolls). Dan and I had breakfast at Old Country Buffet and then went to the gym. I was so exhausted after the workout that I napped for three hours when we got home. Then I woke up and made dinner hot dogs for Dan and me.

Work today has been very hectic. Connie had to go across the hall to take over for Kim, leaving me alone and unable to take a second break. With JR off, I'm working until five, which means I'll have to hustle to get dinner ready. Brad is going out to dinner with a bunch of teacher-friends tonight, but Dan still needs to be fed. When I told Brad, "Have dinner ready when I get home," he replied, "Sure, PB&J coming right up!" As if Dan would settle for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! I would, but never Dan!

Tuesday, we learned Bobby Kasten's wife gave birth to a stillborn daughter. I don't know how or why; when I spoke with him last week, he told me all was well. I was crying when I heard, so when Brad came by for lunch at 1:15, I felt compelled to hug him very hard, grateful for his presence. I re-introduced him to everyone and introduced him to Chris Gestone and a few others. We had a nice lunch together in the cafeteria, talking about different stuff. I told him about Bobby's daughter so he would understand my too-enthusiastic hug. When we said goodbye, he told me he loved me and said everything good he had turned out to be was, "All you, Ma." I am so proud!

So when I went to see Tracey, I was actually in a very good mood. But our talk turned dark when I spoke of how easily everything can turn bad, how, from one moment to the next, a baby can be alive, then dead. I began to cry over that, about life's fragility, its uncertainty, how frightening it is.

I think I've written enough for now. I have a lot of work to do and really should sign off.

Love, Robin

Connie got in late today because the wrong alarm was set, so she's working later to compensate and isn't happy about it. I wouldn't be, either.

This was the weekend of the car problems. Dan hit something at work and scratched up one of his mirrors and doors. When he found out that Extreme Auto Body wasn't going to be open Saturday because the boss was giving all his workers the day off, he was furious because they were putting HIM out. I'm beginning to think my husband really does believe this world revolves around him. Fool! So, feeling the stress only my husband can make erupt in me, I made some phone calls and located a place where he would be able to bring his car first thing Saturday morning, right in Massapequa. Crisis averted--except for the money it was going to cost.

Friday night, A, a friend of Dan's from work came by to help put the air conditioners in the windows in Brad's bedroom and ours. They brought home a Giovanni's pizza for dinner. I had a very hard time keeping Bugsy from biting poor A. I gave Snaps and Bugsy rawhide chews, which kept them busy for a while, but as soon as they were finished with them, Bugsy was once again sniffing around A and nibbing and biting him again. He must not have liked the way A smelled, because he would not leave the guy alone, and any movement on his part sparked immediate teeth action from Bugsy.

I took the dogs for a walk while Dan and A put the air conditioners in the upstairs windows. Dan drove A home to Baldwin after they were finished--but not before Bugsy left A with a few bites to remember him by. Damn dog!

I had taped just about all the season 2 eps of SUPERNATURAL onto our DVR, but to my horror, when I got home the night after our terrible storm, they were all gone but the last one I'd taped! Someone, every ep I'd saved had been wiped clean from the DVR's hard drive! Dan called Cablevision and they tried a recovery process, but it didn't work. Everything is lost. I am so angry! The season 2 DVD won't be coming out until 9/11, and I was counting on having/watching my taped eps until then, but now I can't. No one has an explanation for why those "save until I erase" episodes of my show just disappeared--along with nearly everything else we had saved on the DVR.

Yesterday, Dan, Mike and I went to see LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, the latest of the DIE HARD saga starring Bruce Willis. It was non-stop action and humor, very enjoyable, and we had a great time (except Dan's blood sugar fell and he kept nodding off). The three of us went to dinner at Old Country Buffet, which was unbelievably crowded at 3:30 (Dan just couldn't comprehend why). The roast beef was really tender and juicy, and I enjoyed the meal very much. It was my second time there this weekend; we had breakfast Saturday morning after dropping off Dan's car for the $175 paint job (cash) before we hit the gym. Dan and I napped that afternoon for three hours, then ate dinner at Friday's before claiming Dan's birthday ice cream at Coldstone on the last day before expiration.

As for the other car problem, Brad's driver's side window got stuck in the open position and couldn't be closed. This sent Dan into worry overdrive about the car being stolen. While I steam-cleaned the upstairs bathtub (a horrible job, needs blasting caps), Dan and Brad were moving stuff out of the garage so they could move his car in. Then they started fighting because Brad had to leave because he had dinner reservations (and was, of course, taking Dan's car). Dan felt Brad should cancel his plans to help clean out the garage. Brad disagreed.

I stopped cleaning the bathtub and helped Dan work on the garage. I wasn't too sanguine about getting a car in there, mostly because we have the upright freezer that sticks out so much. We had to dump most of the bikes in the backyard, plus leave nearly all the chairs in the front yard, but we left enough space. Then the fun part--with Dan guiding me (screaming at me), I slowly inches Brad's car into the garage. "Move to the right! No, my right, your left!" he yelled. "Just point!" I shouted. Needless to say, we were close to divorce by the time the car was ensconsed snugly in the garage, with our son sitting in a nice restaurant with his girlfriend having way more fun than we were.

Oh, and by the way, while I was moving his car frontwards and backwards, his gearshift knob, which felt loose in my hand, came off completely and fell into four separate pieces.

When Brad later learned of this, he wasn't happy. Then again, my having to do all the driving while Brad took Dan's car didn't make me a happy camper, either, so we are even on that score!

Cars--can't live without 'em and they cost you a bundle in insurance, gas and repair costs. Shit!

Love, Robin

Therapy yesterday. When I told Tracey about my planned trip to Vancouver, she remarked how INTO SUPERNATURAL I am. I guess I thought that was obvious by now. I was looking at combo flights + hotels, and it's going to cost at least a thousand bucks for me to take this trip. All alone. That makes me so nervous. Even if I do meet up with other fans, I will probably still be alone in my hotel, and will have to figure out Canadian money, and I feel somewhat overwhelmed by it all. Then I get exasperated with myself and think, Come on, Robin, you're 53 and this is something you really WANT to do, so DO it, spend whatever you have to, go do this thing and stop being so AFRAID of everything all the time!

Then I get home yesterday and our two bills--Keyspan and LIPA (gas, electric) are waiting on the table--a total of $300 for two months. I showed them to Brad, who wants to put his air conditioner in the window, and said if he wants to use his A/C, he's going to have to kick in some money for the electric bill. He was OK with that. I mean, we aren't charging him a dime for rent, I think requesting a bit for a higher utility bill isn't out of line.

I told Tracey that I have been feeling better. I don't feel like crying much, if at all, and I just feel stronger somehow. Whether it's the therapy or the extra medication, I don't know, but I was thinking to myself last night how nice it would be if I could get off all anti-depressants and be happy or unhappy NATURALLY.

Nancy called me last night from Buffalo. She still doesn't sound happy, although she touched base with a bunch of her old comrades from another post office where she used to work and they were very happy to see her. See, they GET her and she GETS them. People here did not GET her or like her and made her feel like an outcast. Now she's back amongst her kind and hopefully, will one day be happy. Or she will get on pills she so desperately needs to attain that state of mind.

I was planning to go to the gym on the way home today, since it was too hot and humid to take my usual walk, but Dan needs me to stop and give him some diabetes medication (he left his cup with his meds on the table in the cafeteria and the custodian threw it away). I guess I will just go exerciseless today, which I don't like to do, but it looks like that's how it's going to have to be.

Nothing much left to report today, so I will sign off with

Love, Robin

I napped Saturday and Sunday, which should come as no shock to y'all. I have finally given in to the fact that, no matter how gorgeous the weather (and it was my favorite climate this weekend, sunny and cool), I need an afternoon nap, so I have stopped fighting it.

Yesterday, Dan and I went to breakfast at Bollinger's, the same place I ate the day I dropped my car off to get the brakes fixed. I ate poorly--French toast--without taking my medication first! GASP! I took all my pills upon arriving home, have no fear. We stopped to get rid of all our accumulated change at Commerce Bank, which doesn't charge you to do it, and were pleasantly shocked to learn we had nearly $50! It's wild how change just piles up into massive amounts of money. Great!

I'm in touch with Liz, a gal from Florida who's going to Vancouver in July to the SUPERNATURAL studio. Given that Dan isn't ecstatic over the prospect of going there with me, I wrote to her about perhaps joining her on her excursion, which is for Jared's birthday. She would prefer to get to know me better before bunking with me in Vancouver, understandably, and suggested IM on the computer, but I countered with, of all wild things, THE TELEPHONE! I have unlimited long distance calling with Optimum, so why not speak to each other instead of typing to each other? I would really prefer to go with other fans than with Dan, who really isn't enthused about the show. Liz has a project going, trying to get together a scrapbook for Jared Padalecki, but as of now, very few fans have sent in contributions. As you may recall, I was debating sending mine in for the scrapbook, but ended up sending it to the Vancouver studio separately instead. I'm thinking I may just re-create it and send it to Liz so she has more contributions. Apparently, at this time last year, she had 68, and she's frantic and upset at the lack of fans submitting items.

I guess I'd better start checking out plane tickets to Vancouver that week!

I have the dentist today at 3:15. Yuk.

Dan and Mike went to see HOSTEL 2 yesterday. Blood and guts. They enjoyed it. I slept while they were there, then went on the computer. Yes, I wasted the gorgeous day, for the most part, but it was my day to waste.

Ali came over and the five of us went to the diner on the corner of Conklin and Route 110. We had a really nice dinner together. Dan and I gave Ali her graduation gift, the second Beverly Hills 90210 DVD set. She was very pleased with it, and seemed surprised we'd given her a graduation present. She's our son's girlfriend, why not?

Friday, Sharon and I saw KNOCKED UP. I expected it to be better, funnier, at least, than it was. It was produced by the same people who did THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN, a movie I really enjoyed, but somehow, just didn't like it as much. Perhaps I need to see it again, when it comes to Cable. As always, Sharon and I had a terrific time together. We had dinner together at a pizza place by the airport plaza and lustily eyed a couple of cops who passed us by while we ate outside.

I think I'm getting my groove back!

Love, Robin