I've had it sent to me more than once, but it's always packed the same punch--the people who come into your life for reasons, seasons or a lifetime?

My son, of course, I pray, is a lifetimer. I love him and want him as part of my life until the day I die.

As far as Dan is concerned, I'm not sure right now. He is probably a lifetimer, too.

My parents left me too soon, of course, having been part of my life for 22 and 29 years, but I thought they would be with me for a much longer lifetime, or at least that their lives would be longer. So I feel somewhat cheated there.

Rose. She lived across the street from me for years. I knew her as a troubled woman with a difficult marriage to a man who yelled so loudly, we could hear him even with the windows closed. He was mentally defective, Bob was, and when he died, I think it was a relief to just about everyone who knew him, even his children. It's a shame that Bob tossed his life away so easily, but he really was a mess of a man whose presence in my life, for a reason, was to teach me how sad some souls are, and that although he tried my patience and angered me endlessly, I tried my best to be kind with him and probably failed more often than not.

Getting back to Rose, we were friends, at least I thought so. She, too, was apparently only in my life for a reason--to teach me that friends can be terribly shallow and dump you for reasons beyond your control. It hurts, a lot, but I have to realize that it's her loss, because I am a good person and friend who made her laugh and helped her often; she's a fool to let me out of her life with so little thought. I loved her, but that obviously only went one way.

When Brad was hit by a car, we belonged to a diabetes support group attached to Winthrop Hospital. All the kids Brad knew from that group made cards for him, their parents sent over gifts to keep him busy--yet his supposed best friend, Dominic, disappeared off the radar. I still don't know how to define Dom, because he reappeared in Brad's life later. Yet, when Brad needed him most, he wasn't there--and Dom had thrown the ball that sent Brad into the street, where he was struck. At the time, I thought no friend at all.

Anyway, out of that diabetes group came a woman named Carol, who helped us immeasurably during the difficult time following Brad's accident. She watched him for us at our house a few times when he was in his body cast, and since her son was diabetic, she understood his insulin needs, which was a huge help to us. Yet I know we didn't remain friends with her long after that. The same is true with Sharon, a former neighbor who drove me to the hospital a couple of times so I could come home with Dan. Both women were in my life for a reason, then they were gone.

I guess people we know over summers are in our lives for a season--the owners of Glen Falls House, perhaps, who fed us delicious family meals, provided us with a quiet, calm place to relax (except when we brought Ali and they had the entire place taken over by people celebrating a very noisy reunion). We haven't been back there since. My feelings have changed, and now I want a lot more from my vacations, which also cost a hell of a lot more!

Lisa, Cassie and Sharon are in with me for a lifetime, at least I really hope so. Not Frannie, I'm sorry to say, whose birthday is today. I wrote her a note, but didn't send a gift. My feelings for her changed a long time ago, when she chose not to room with me at the DS fest in 1999--after I THOUGHT we had such a great time in '97. And of course, it didn't help when she stopped coming to meet me in San Diego, with one excuse after another for not doing so.

Sigh.

Tomorrow, Dan and I are going into the city so I can try out for WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. Wouldn't it be cool if I got on the show and won some money? I'd so love that!

We'll see!

Wish me luck!

Love, Robin

It's been very hot and humid for the past few days, and that spawned violent thunderstorms and torrential rain yesterday. It got so bad, I had to pull off my socks and shoes and WADE through water up to my knees to move my car to higher ground, that's how much rain fell from the black, monsoon-rainy skies. I know global warming is being blamed for the changes in worldwide weather, but this is getting scary. It doesn't help that insurance companies, fearful of a BIG hurricane, are bailing out on insuring Long Islanders or are charging insane prices for flood coverage.

Maybe Nancy was smart to move back to Buffalo? Nah, she gets all the snow. Better rain than snow.

Sigh. I feel hazy. Like I'm not quite all here. Perhaps the humidity is to blame, but it's much less humid today than it has been. My head hurts, my left elbow has that sharp, electric nerve pain, and I just feel totally out of it. I want my cruise vacation to start, but I'm also anxious to schedule my trip to Vancouver again. I heard from Chris, who says she got turned down for a formal invitation to the studio. Apparently, we need to be press to get that kind of access, and as a free lance writer, I probably have the best chance of getting us in. Can I? Whatever happened to MY letter to Kripke? Did he ever get it, or was my Personal and Confidential ignored? Did Leslie the gatekeeper open it and toss it in the garbage? I've got to find some way around that bitch!

Tuesday, my session with Tracey mostly concerned why I wanted to keep Bugsy even though he was a biter. I felt he deserved a good home because he'd been mistreated and unloved, and I couldn't bear the thought of him being put to sleep when his reasons for biting weren't really his fault. Relating this brought me to tears, and it occurred to me that I felt I identified with Bugsy in a far more personal way than I realized. In a way, *I* had been mistreated in my life, too, by people I felt had loved me. How could I reject a living creature whose plight I understood all too well?

It was a tough one for me, revelatory. I also told Tracey how I had considered separating from Dan once Brad was out of the house, either married or at least on his own. The thing is, I have to decide what Ann Landers always makes spouses or significant others consider--am I better off with or without him?

Love, Robin

Over the weekend, I saw an ad in the newspaper looking for contestants for WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?, for a special TV show edition. They're holding auditions in NYC this coming Saturday, so I filled out an on-line form. Guess what? They accepted me for the audition! Who knows? If I pass the test and am accepted, I might win a nice chunk of change. Of course, I could also forget my own name and bomb out, but it would sure be exciting to try, right? I called Dan and he wants to go into the city with me. Only problem is, I don't go in until 4 PM, which is kind of late.

The weekend wasn't terribly eventful. We went to breakfast and the gym Saturday. I've been a very bad girl about going regularly; I rush home to look at all the goodies on the dean_sam Live Journal board instead of stopping for half an hour of exercise. I don't know, it's so hot, and once I'm in my car driving home, I find I just want to stay there and go home and not make any stops. Most of the time, I take two walks at work instead of only one, but it was raining when I went to take the second walk today. Connie was supposed to return from her vacation but didn't; she took another day off. She said she was taking her kids to Splish Splash, but given the crappy weather, I think she was just resting from her Disney vacation last week!

Anyway, returning to Saturday, Mike, Dan and I went to see TRANSFORMERS at the Farmingdale Multiplex. What a terrific movie! I thoroughly enjoyed it, and to be honest, after seeing coming attractions, I didn't expect to, but it was non-stop fun, laughter and action. The fact that Dan stayed awake for the entire flick attested to what an excellent movie it was. Afterwards, we went to dinner to the Chinese place in Deer Park. Brad and a bunch of his friends went into the city to celebrate Ali's birthday (for the first of many celebrations).

I saw Sharon Friday. We dined at Krisch's, then went to hang out at Sunrise Mall. It always relaxes me to get together with my very best friend, the only person I can talk to about absolutely anything. (Well, I can talk to Tracey, but I can LAUGH with Sharon about my problems and usually cry over them with Tracey, or at least feel embarrassed or abnormal). I mean, I know Sharon isn't having sex with her husband, either, and at this point in time, she's super annoyed at him, which pleases me immensely. He's such a bastard, cheating on her with other men, and I WANT her to hate him! Does that sound terrible? Well, he put her life in danger, having sex with men without her knowledge years ago, and as far as I'm concerned, she should have gotten rid of him years ago. He's damn lucky she didn't.

Yesterday, Dan and I ate at the Hicksville Chinese brunch, then went to National Wholesale Liquidators to buy hair color, coffee, and a frame for the 8 1/2 X 11 signed photo of Jensen and Jared I won on eBay. (Brad joined Ali's family to celebrate her birthday.) We came home and napped until 5:30, wasting the gorgeous day. (The humidity finally dissipated, but it came back today.)

I realize this is disjointed, but I'm having a tough time separating Saturday from Sunday. for some reason.

I do remember sitting on the deck yesterday enjoying the much cooler weather, reading the Sunday paper while drinking my coffee, the dogs hanging out with me. Bliss!

I hope you've had some bliss, too!

Love, Robin

Instead of walking during my lunch break, I was so tired, I went into the conference room, lay down my head on the table and fell asleep! I woke up three units late to punch in, so I didn't. Betty can give me an end tour on the lunch ring, and I can just pretend I did punch back in and it didn't take. I'm very headachey today, and just don't feel with-it in the least.

I was dizzy when I woke up this morning and just should have stayed in bed, but with Connie on vacation, that wasn't an option.

Brad and Ali returned home from a three-day at Hershey Park last night. They had a great time and brought home a mug filled with chocolate and a sleeping dog statue for us. Brad woke up with a low blood sugar reaction and caught me naked in the kitchen this morning, poor kid. I told him to shut his eyes and gave him a cup of orange juice. See, that's once of the reasons an empty nest is a nice thing!

I asked Brad to go pick up my two SUPERNATURAL comics from Serious Comics for me. That way I can just go home and maybe take another nap. I don't know why I seem to need so damn much sleep, but I napped when I got home yesterday, too.

We're getting very close to our cruise. I hope we like Carnival Cruise lines. I've heard good and bad things about them, and I hope our experience is positive.

My head is really hurting, so I think I'm going to sign off now.

Love, Robin

Let's see--no Gary, no Connie, no Maryann, no Tony--it's so quiet in here! I love it! Charlie is back from six weeks away; he finally succumbed and had his abdominal surgery, which he'd put off too long. He's feeling a lot better, but still spends most of his time away from his desk and off elsewhere. Yesterday he surprised me with an ice coffee and refused to accept money. It made me feel so good that he made that gesture!

Poor Brad was complaining about a painful wisdom tooth when we were out at our anniversary dinner Monday night, so he went to the dentist yesterday. Turned out to be infected, so they gave him antibiotics and super-strength ibuprofen to take on his trip to Hershey Park. He and Ali went with some other people, and Brad wasn't driving. He very kindly called me today to let me know he was all right. I really love that kid; he understands that I NEED a phone call even if he is 24.

Dan and Mike went to a free Sawyer Brown concert last night, and I ordered pizza for them. Brad didn't want the London broil I'd made for him, opting for pizza, too, so I shoved the steak into the fridge to be eaten at a later date. It was so hot, I really wasn't hungry, and ended up eating yogurt for my dinner after Brad, Dan and Mike left. I gathered SUPERNATURAL pictures and videos onto my hard drive and watched TV.

When I had my session with Tracey yesterday, I discussed how angry I was over being misled by those who told me the J's weren't going to be in Vancouver last week. She asked if I thought it was done maliciously. I doubt M lied to me; she only told me what SHE had heard. As for the secretary/receptionist at the studio, I don't trust her and suspect she DID deliberately mislead me. We also talked about Brad's car accident when he was seven, what a tough 6 months that was for my family, and how angry I was at the girl who struck him and Dominic's mother for not bringing him to see Brad. I did stress, however, that Brad being alive was the most important thing, when all was said and done.

Today, I have to stop for gas on my way home, then go to Barnes and Noble and pick up my saved copy of the first SUPERNATURAL novel, NEVERMORE. I do love my show-based merchandise!

Love, Robin