I used to love Halloween. What's not to love? Being a chocoholic, I could go door to door, collecting bags filled with Three Musketeers, Hershey Bars, Peanut Butter Cups. Mmmmmm! I was supposed to bring it all home for Mom's inspection, of course, but I always snuck a few candy bars along the way for energy. . .yeah, energy. My favorites were always the combo bags, where they put a bunch of candy bars in one. Oh, boy, and the fatter the bag, the more candy inside! Once, I was handed this big, thick bag, all taped up. I raced home to show it to Mom, who unwrapped it eagerly while I danced impatiently from one foot to another, anticipating the thickest piece of chocolate EVER. It was a mini-sized Tastybread, just big enough to be cut in half and slathered with peanut butter and jelly for my lunch. Oh, the searing disappointment! Mom, however, was delighted with the stupid mini bread loaf.

I never dressed in a scary costume. No witches or ghosts for this girl; I was a nurse, fairy princess or other equally benign characters. Just like now, I wanted people to LOVE and NEED me.

As a trick or treating kid, I could--and did--get lost walking around the block, and good-hearted people would call my mother to come get me. She sighed over my poor sense of direction, which haunts me to this day.

Today, I will stop to pick up dice for Brad for use in his classroom, then head home to give out candy to the trick or treating children. I love their costumes, their parents, waiting on the sidewalk, their eager faces as I dole out the chocolate treats.

But I always save a few for me, who is dressed as a devil today, horns on my head as is befitting. I may be an adult, but I am still a raging chocoholic!

Love, Robin

A bright, chilly Monday, welcome after monsoon-like Saturday and sunny but way-too-windy Sunday.

When I took Bugsy and Snaps out for a walk Saturday, they did not like the windy rain lashing their furry faces, and after rapidly peeing against the bushes in the front yard, pooped within a foot of each other. Snaps rarely poops when I have him on the leash, but the sou'easter or whatever the hell storm we were having seemingly scared the piss and shit out of both pooches. We were in and out within five minutes, and when I attempted to dry Bugsy off with a towel, he snarled at me, a warning that I was about to lose a finger or two, so I wisely stopped.

We arose very early on the gloomy Saturday to drop off Dan's car at Toyota. His "low tire pressure" light had come on, making him nervous. When he called their service center, they explained that could mean a problem with any of the four tires, the spare in the trunk, or a faulty sensor and only THEY could ascertain which! I'm sorry, but brand-new, expensive cars should NEVER need service!

I drove us to breakfast at Old Country Buffet, to the barber so Dan could get his head shaved, then to the gym. His car was ready by 11:30 (he'd run over a nail, causing a leak in a tire, so he had to pay $16.50 to get it repaired). I know you can't help running things over, but what a pain in the ass to happen to a brand-new car!

I went alone to Target. Dan needed some snack crap for a birthday party at work today, so I figured I'd help him out and buy it for him. I had put a few items in my basket when I decided to call Dan and ask him what he wanted. When no one answered the phone, I automatically put in the code to see if there were any messages on the answering machine. There was one, from my next-door neighbor Sue: "A big branch fell from your tree onto your son's car!" I immediately called Dan's cell phone--no answer. Same thing with Brad's. "Where the hell IS everybody?" I demanded out loud, eliciting stares from others in the store.

I hastily made my way to the register, muttering that it served me right for trying to take a few nice shopping moments for myself. Fortunately, I was able to reach Brad on my cell phone while I was waiting to pay, but he had just awakened and was completely out of it. I told him what had happened and he glanced out the window. "Dad's pulling branches off my car," he said blearily, "what happened?" "Listen to my message on your cell phone!" I said, "I'm coming home now!" I paid, ran through the rain in the parking lot, shoved everything into the trunk and raced home. Brad's car had sustained a few scratches, but little more.

There was an ongoing argument throughout the super-windy weekend about the safety of parking Dan's and Brad's cars in the driveway under that tree, which seemed determined, since being trimmed a few months ago, to shed all its limbs. Dan, citing how someone had slammed the sideview mirror right off my car when it was parked in the sweet, was reluctant to take that chance. "Well," I said, "if that tree falls on your car, it's going to do a lot more damage than rip off your mirror."

Ultimately, both Dan and Brad parked their cars in the street. And yes, more limbs fell in the driveway, harming nothing. Mother knows best!

Last night, Dan, Brad and I met at the deli in Bellmore. They love that place, but I'm less enthused. We used to have the same-named restaurant in Massapequa, which I really liked, but the taste of the food here just isn't as good to my palate. Ali's family uses this restaurant to cater all their Kosher dinners and parties. I ordered only a hamburger, but Dan and Brad shared their fries with me. Brad had Roumanian steak and Dan ordered stuffed cabbage, both on the dinners. Their prices have really skyrocketed over the years, IMHO.
It was just so nice to sit with my little family, enjoying a meal, talking, catching up with each other. Brad told us he and Ali don't have plans to get married anytime soon; I gather he, at least, wants to be tenured before that happens. I can't imagine Ali wanting to wait that long, but if that's their agreement, they are being very wise. Brad is so busy now, his life is insane, but after tenure, when his job is secure, it will be much easier for him.

I realized today that it's going to take a couple of weeks, minimum, to get my Synthroid prescription filled by Express Scripts, so I contacted Jacob's office and asked her to call my pharmacy for an immediate fill of the prescription so I can start NOW. I hope to pick it up later today and start taking it tomorrow. I know it's going to take time, but the sooner, the better!

And how did YOUR week start?

Love, Robin

I googled thyroid today, and no where did I find any connection between hypothyroidism and exercise, so what's seemingly happened to me makes no sense at all.

I really should have told Dr. Jacob to give me two prescriptions for Synthroid, one for my local pharmacy and the other for the mail-order place, so I could have started taking it right away. I guess I was thinking about the money, as usual, knowing the local place would cost twice as much. I wish I would think about how much more important my health is, for once! I have been paying $15 for every single refill of Topamax, after all, so what's the big deal? Sometimes, I really am a penny-wise, pound-foolish woman.

Re: the symptoms of hypothyroidism--my sudden outbursts of tears and depression can all be blamed! Isn't that great? It's not bad enough that I'm going through peri-menopause, I've got THIS to add to it! Wow, am I ever one fucking mess. No wonder I can't remember words half the time, forget names, cry over songs, memories, or any old thing--my senses are being assaulted by my own treacherous body, pummeled by my out of control thyroid and raging hormones (or lack thereof)!

You know what I'm gonna do when I get home??? You know what I feel like doing when I get home? I'll tell you what I'm gonna do when I get home!!!!

Take a nap.

Love, Robin

Dr. Jacob says the "right" thyroid number ranges between 0-4. Mine is 10.4, so mine is waaaay to high. My thyroid is very sluggish, explaining my total exhaustion, constant need for naps and the feeling that, no matter how much sleep I'm getting, I'm on the verge of feeling toppling over for a snooze all the time.

Dr. Jacob also said I could stop taking the iron pills for now, since that level is good. I explained that I'm still getting my period every three months, but the last one, unlike the gushers I'd suffered through previously, was a mere drip by comparison. She advised me to start taking the iron tablets again only if I have another gusher. She also said I can give blood again, which is wonderful--but I lost my chance to do so at work just last week, damn it.

Miraculously, despite all my cheating over the past three months, my A1C has remained 6.2, an excellent result which indicates my diabetes has remained in fine control. I'm sure I can thank the nighttime shot of Lantus for that. (Thank you, Lantus!)

Everything else was great. Dr. J is putting me on Synthroid, 25 milligrams to start, which Connie tells me is an extremely small dose. They started her 12-year-old daughter with 50. Dr. Jacob seems concerned over how quickly I react to medication, so she wants me to try the 25 mg. for six weeks, then take a blood test and see where my number is. We can always double the dosage, then triple it. She's being cautious, and I can't fault her for that. I want to start feeling human again, though, and FAST!

I told Dr. J how achey I've felt since being on Lipitor, so she gave me permission to stop taking that for a week. Problem is, I've tried that on my own, with no change, and I suspect it would take a lot longer than a week for that medication to work its way out of my system so I could ascertain the benefits of not taking it. She gave me a script for Vytorin, the latest darling of the cholesterol meds, but explained that, for women, Lipitor is by far the most effective statin in preventing heart attack, and if I can stay on it, she wants me to do so. So what to do? My parents both died young, and I want to live longer than they did. They were both heavy smokers, but neither had diabetes or thyroid trouble. I just hate hurting all over the way I do now!

I'm not filling the Vytorin script for now, just the Synthroid. I'm really curious to see what a difference it's going to make in the way I feel. Of course, the small dose might make no difference whatsoever. Knowing me, I'll be tempted to push it to 50 mg. on my own, but that would only piss off Dr. J, and I don't want to do that. Dr. House always accuses patients of lying to doctors, and I want to prove him wrong, even though I know I've lied to my own doctors in the past.

Dan and I were supposed to go to the gym last night, but by the time I got home from HIP, I was far too tired, and I had to make dinner, too. Dan had migraines all day, so he agreed we'd meet tonight instead. So we're doing the gym tonight!

Love, Robin

Let's see. It's 1:38. In about an hour and 10 minutes, I'll be leaving work to go see my doctor. I'll have to stop and give them $10 for my co-pay first, of course, then wait my turn to see Dr. Jacob. Hopefully, she won't be too busy and I'll get in before or at my appointment time. I hate waiting past my appointment time to see her. I know they have emergencies sometimes, but it still pisses me off to wait and wait and wait. I have to go home and let out Bugsy and Snaps, plus Dan wants me to meet him at the gym tonight. I have things to do, too!

I'm nervous, of course. Will she want me to go totally on insulin and cut out the pills completely? I haven't behaved myself since she gave me the excellent H1C results last time. I don't know what's wrong with me; I take great results like that as a challenge to cheat on my diet and see how far I can go with it instead of emulating the same behavior to bring my numbers even lower. I'm sure the number isn't a fantastic 6.2 this time, and she's probably going to tell me I blew it badly.

I really should stop speculating and just wait to see what she has to tell me. I know where my guilty fear lies, but I could be way off-base--my blood sugars might be fine. It might just be my thyroid, as I've felt all along, but she ordered so many tests, it might be something she ordered I'm not even aware of. Hey, as long as there's something I can do about it, right? This horrible, unendurable weariness that's been plaguing me for so long MUST be dealt with! I really feel capable of dozing off in the middle of anything, of everything!

Good night!

Love, Robin